Answering some questions about Tourette's!

"Hi I'm Ruthie! I am one of the producers of the upcoming documentary about Tourette's Syndrome. I am 18 years old and I am a Freshman in college.

I've had Tourette's Syndrome since I was three years old, but I wasn't officially diagnosed until my Junior year of high school. My tics have changed a lot since I was younger, but I have a few tics that have always stayed the same. Some of the tics right now are head and neck jerking, eye rolling, arm jerking, grimacing, picking and biting my lips, repeating words/phrases that I hear, making a yelping or a squeaking sound, saying the word "ouch", and whistling. I also have OCD which at times has been harder for me to deal with than the tics.

For me, I'd say it would be nearly impossible to pick one single hardest part of having Tourette's. There are just to many challenges that come with having Tourette's and just too many ways it has affected me throughout the years. As a child, the hardest part was not knowing why I couldn't stop my body from doing certain things or why I was different than the other kids. As I've gotten older, I've had to come to terms with the fact that my tics and OCD may never get better or go away. I've had to deal with stares, the judgments of others, and my own judgments of myself. I have amazing friends who support me through everything though, and that sometimes can make all the difference.

I'm a PNP (Philosophy-Neuroscience-Psychology) major with a minor in Creative Writing. My goal is to get a masters and a PHD in PNP and go on to do neruo-imaging research to study neurological disorders and neuropsychiatric disorders. I love to write fiction and poetry, blog, and advocate for Tourette's and it's associated conditions. I also love animals, especially my new Goldendoodle named Brandy :)

I think other people should know that having Tourette's doesn't make us all that different. Underneath our tics and obsessions, we are just like everybody else. We're just a regular people who happen to have tics. Having Tourette's is a part of who we are, but it doesn’t define who we are."

My Personal Essay: "Not in Spite of My Challenges"

Hey everyone! So as promised I am posting my personal essay that I turned in today for my writing one class. It's about my experiences in the classroom with Tourette's. Some parts are not 100% the way it actually happened and there are some facts that are a little altered for the purpose the the essay. Most of it though is very true and it took a lot to actually put it all down on paper. Of course all of the details about my life in the classroom with TS couln't fit into this 4 page paper (because the limit was 4 pages) but I think it's a pretty decent summery. Let me know what you guys think and what your thoughts are about the essay!

Not In Spite of my Challenges

Second grade was the year that was rainforest themed. A good portion of the first week of school was spent making chains out of strips of dark green construction paper that we taped together in rings to put up around the classroom like vines hanging from a canopy of trees. I was pretty good at taping rings of construction paper together and I remember my teacher, her short curly hair and long fingernails painted a sudden red, smiling down at me as I sat cross legged on the carpeted floor. I felt like this year could be different. The classroom was so alive with the vines swinging above our heads as the air conditioning fluctuated and there were stuffed rainforest animals scattered about the room on bookshelves and on beanbags. At any moment I felt as if cool thick rain drops could drip down from the vines and like my favorite song they would turn into sweet gumdrops. I would even imagine myself swinging from the vines with the stuffed animals that would come to life and become my friends so easily. This fantasy world however, soon became an escape from the classroom, just as other fantasy worlds had in years before. Every year, my real friends were animals in my head and there was a much kinder and more exciting world waiting for me when I needed to get away from the disapproving stares and comments that I didn’t quite understand. Second grade was the year I figured out that I really was different than the other kids.

                In second grade, I didn’t understand much about myself or the other people around me. I didn’t understand why things changed so much after that first week. I had had so much fun helping to create our classroom rainforest and my teacher even seemed to like me at first. Had everyone suddenly decided they no longer liked me or had it taken me a week to figure out that everyone seemed to disapprove of me for some unknown reason? I wasn’t quite sure. All I knew was that after the first week of school, the kids started giving me these looks. I had seen these looks before, but this year the kids seemed to be more articulate, more willing to say what was on their mind. They told me I was annoying and when I asked why, this time they weren’t afraid to tell me exactly what was on their minds. They told me that I sniffled too much, moved my face too much, and made weird slurping sounds too much. I hadn’t even noticed that I was doing these things or that they were anything different than what regular kids do, but one thing I had noticed was that year upon year I seemed to hear one particular word from so many of my classmates: annoying.

                From that point on, I used our rainforest classroom as an escape more and more. In my mind, I would curl up in the immense canopy of the rain forest to take a nap or to read with my two best friends, Duke and Duchess, the giant black Great Danes who could roam from tree to tree like the spider monkeys I had learned about in class. When the other kids told me to stop sniffling so much or told me time and time again that I was annoying, I would pretend to pet Duke and Duchess, whose fur felt as soft as powdered sugar.  I told myself that Duke and Duchess would never say such things to me. Duke and Duchess were always my friends, and even if I couldn’t stop myself from doing things that seemed annoyed the other kids so much, Duke and Duchess didn’t mind one bit.

                Each year of elementary school I told myself things would be different, Duke and Duchess wouldn’t be my only friends, and class would be easier for me. Each year however, I seemed to be wrong.  I had a few friends each year, but it was difficult for them to understand why I couldn’t stay still in class or why I couldn’t stop myself from making annoying noises.  I didn’t blame them though, because I didn’t really understand it myself either. As I got older, the classroom was no longer decorated with colored construction paper, and it was no longer a mysterious rainforest or a magical dessert.  There were now overhead projectors, desks lined up in straight rows, and a layer of pressure and silence that seemed to hang over the classroom. The kids weren’t the only ones who seemed to disapprove of me anymore, the teachers did too. My teachers were convinced that I wasn’t paying attention in class because I was moving around too much or using my fingers to write out “fake words” on my desk during class. To them I was a disruption for the other students in the classroom and a hassle for them to deal with. I was always moving and making noises, my handwriting was impossible to read, I didn’t understand math, I started having severe anxiety and panic attacks, and I was obsessive. For me, the classroom became a narrow vacuum of space in which the air was often sucked out pocket by pocket.

 Neither my teachers nor I knew it at the time but I had something called Tourette’s Syndrome, a lifelong neurological disorder that causes involuntary movements and sounds called tics, learning disorders, and anxiety disorders. At the time however, Tourette’s wasn’t understood by most people and certainly wasn’t understood by my peers or teachers. At the time, everyone perceived Tourette’s to be a disorder that just caused people to swear uncontrollably. Only highly trained neurologists knew that only 10% of people with Tourette’s actually have swearing tics and that more times than not the physical tics could be less severe than the other conditions it came along with like learning disorders, obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety disorders, and sensory processing disorder. It wasn’t until high school that I would actually have a certain diagnosis, and that people would begin to have a more accurate understanding of Tourette’s, but it was a long time before high school when realized I needed to stop waiting for someone to give me an answer. I was convinced that I was the only one with these problems and sometimes this was a rather lonely and hopeless kind of thought. Most of the time I tried not to think about the fact I was different than the other kids, but sometimes I would slip into a stream of consciousness in which I considered myself to be just a weird, nervous, annoying kid who no one understood.

I can pinpoint the point in time in which I promised myself that I would no longer slip into the mindset of feeling hopeless and sorry for myself. I only allowed myself to cry in the shower, when I was surrounded by stark white walls and the heavy falling water coming from the shower head. I could cry as much as I wanted to, because no one would hear me over the sound of the gushing water. It was in 7^th grade however, that I let myself do this for pretty much the last time. I remember crying in the shower and thinking to myself how much I wanted to be a person who was smart, confident, and just someone that other people liked. I knew at this point that I couldn’t control what my body did at times, I couldn’t control what my mind worried about at times, and school was just a lot harder for me than it seemed to be for other people. Crying and feeling sorry for myself in the shower this time was not so different than the many times before it, but this time something in my mind just clicked. I made a decision that night. I made a decision that I would no longer feel sorry for myself because I was going to be the one in control from now on. I couldn’t change the fact that my body seemed to have a mind of its own, but I could change how I dealt with it.

From that point on I promised myself that I was going to succeed in whatever I set out to do, not because of luck or because I was just that kid who didn’t have to try to get an A on a test, I was going to succeed because I would push myself to succeed no matter what it took. I wasn’t going to be that twitchy kid who sits in the back of the classroom and has trouble in school anymore. One day, I was going to be a smart successful woman who people admired and liked even if I had tics and twitches and an obsessive nature that I couldn’t really control. I knew this change wasn’t going to happen overnight, and it didn’t, but I didn’t mind or even notice the wait that much because I was too busy pushing myself forward in every way I knew. I wish I could put into words how I was able to force this change upon my life and upon myself, how I was able to change my grades from C’s to all A’s, gain the respect of my peers and teachers, and begin to exude confidence in a way that I never had before. All I really know is how much I desperately wanted and needed this change in my life. The classroom became a place in which I excelled and was no longer afraid of and most importantly my view of myself changed. I no longer saw myself as a weird, annoying, twitchy kid who no one understood. Instead, I saw myself as a determined and resilient person, not in spite of my challenges, but because of them.

My Three Most Painful Tics

A friend on youtube made a video about her three most painful tics and asked others to comment on the video with their three most painful tics. I commented on the video and thought I would blog about it as well! You can see Emma's video about her three most painful tics here:



Also check out her other awesome videos about Tourette's Syndrome on her channel by following this link: http://www.youtube.com/user/lifesatwitchemma/videos


So anyway here are my three most painful tics (3 being least painful and 1 being most painful): 

3. Picking/biting/licking my lips. My lips are usually red, swollen, and sore from all the picking, biting, and licking. This combination of  tics was the very first sign of Tourette's and started when I was just three years old. I have plenty of pictures where you can see my lips are red and raw from the tics. I used to do this tic so much that my lips would bleed. There have been three times where this tic has been absolutely severe and out of control, although this tic is present year round for the most part, just not present to the extreme. The first time it was severe was when it first started when I was 3 years old. I guess it was the most painful at this time because my lips were not used to taking this kind of abuse. Then in 5th grade and 6th grade it got so bad that I would continually make my lips bleed really badly. I would have to leave class on a regular basis because my lips would start bleeding so badly and it would take at least 15 to 20 minutes to stop the bleeding in the bathroom with a paper towel held to my lips. The last time it got really bad was when the lip licking got particularly bad and it was in 11th grade. My lips and the skin around my lips were bright red and it looked like someone had maybe punched me in the face or someone had painted a red ring around my lips. It got to be really painful after about a week of continual licking, but luckily it only lasted a week or so. 
Here are three pictures where you can see the effects of my lip picking/biting/licking tic: 


This one was from when I was 3 or 4 when I first started doing this tic. You can see that my lips have been picked, bitten, and licked  raw. It was painful because my lips were not used to being torn up: 

This was my 5th grade school picture and you can see the cuts and scars on my lips from continually picking, biting and licking my lips until they bled:

And this one is a picture of me with my teacher on Halloween last year where you can still see red and raw sports on my lips: 

2. Swallowing air repetitively. When this one gets bad I have to swallow every 20 seconds or so and it makes my throat really sore and gives me bad stomach aches because of all the air that ends up in my stomach. This is probably the tic I hate the most because I have so little control over it that I can't even hold it back for more than a few seconds. I just feel like i'm going to die if I don't swallow. Die or throw up or pass out. It's really an awful feeling. The only reason this is not #1 is because I only have this tic every few months. Thank goodness I don't have this tic more often. If I had this tic on a continual basis, I really don't know what I would do. Whenever I get this tic, I just want to go curl up in a ball and feel sorry for myself. Even though other people can't see this tic from the outside, it doesn't matter to me. I would rather have many more obvious or embarrassing tics than have this one on a regular basis because its just so awful.  

1. A complex combination tic of falling to the ground on my knees, then hitting myself in the side or stomach with my arm and hand. Sometimes I make a grunting sound as well when I do this tic. As you can tell, this one just sounds painful! Obviously it hurts my knees to fall on them repetitively and then as if that just wasn't enough pain, I usually end up staying on the floor for a minute or two punching myself in the stomach and my side with my arm and hand. Yep, that part sounds painful as well. Trust me, it is. It hurts to get hit in the stomach! I feel like I'm a kid again when my babysitter would play that game with me when she would grab my arm and hit me with my own arm and say "stop hitting yourself! Why are you hitting yourself?" I just thought it was so funny! Except now, its not funny in the slightest. It's painful and annoying and obviously embarrassing! Luckily, I usually don't do this one out in public. I usually only have this tic when my tics get really really bad or when i've been holding back my tics for a while and have to "let it out" when I come home. This is the one I am most worried about with my roommate. If I hold back my tics in class to any extent or get really nervous or stressed out about finals or anything else that might cause stress then I might end up doing this tic in my room and if my roommate is in the room she will obviously see it. This one isn't really a tic you can hide, lol. This is the kind of tic that just freaks other people out, especially if they're not used to it. Maybe i'll get lucky and it will take a break for college. A person can hope, right? 

Tourette's Helped My Team Win Cranium!!!

Tourette's helped my team win Cranium! Well that's a sentence I never thought i'd say. Let me explain! So I went over to Steam Punk's house last night. Like I've said before, Steam Punk is one of my best friends and my other best friend, Tie Dye was there too along with more of my friends (both guys and girls). In total there were 7 of us there and 6 of us played Cranium.

Our teams were pretty much tied throughout the whole game, but when it came to the last few questions our team pulled ahead because of me! First I guessed right on toupee during the drawing portion, then I guessed right on "Girls just want to have fun" on the humming a song portion, and then finally I knew the trivia answer that led our team to win.

The trivia question was something to the effect of "What musical group won a Grammy for a song they didn't actually sing?" and immediately when the question was asked, I shouted out "Milli Vanilli!". The rest of my friends looked so confused and absolutely could not believe that I knew that. When Steam Punk said I was right, she just looked stunned. No one in the group had even heard of Milli Vanilli and even less would have been able to get to that answer from the question.

So how did I know with such certainty that it was Milli Vanilli? Well, it's because of Tourette's! I explained to the group that I knew the answer because i've watched the movie "Front of the Class", which is about Brad Cohen who has Tourette's, at least 6 or more times, and throughout the movie Milli Vanilli music is played and the band is talked about briefly in the movie as well. After watching the moving quite a few times, the Milli Vanilli songs got stuck in my head and I looked the group up on Wikipeida and read about how they won a Grammy for a song they never even wrote.

So yes, I knew the answer because of Tourette's! My useless information about Milli Vanilli was finally put to good use! My friends continued to be amazed that I knew the answer and Steam Punk went up stairs, grabbed a tiara and put it on my head insisting I wear it for the rest of the night as the Cranium queen.

I did have to take it off after a few minutes though because my head and neck tics did not agree with the tiara, lol. Anyway, my friends are great. I forget that my tics are anything different or out of the ordinary when i'm around them. They're just so used to me ticcing that they don't even react in the slightest.

So go enjoy some Milli Vanilli music and if you feel like it, go look them up on the internet! Who knows, it might come in handy some day. :P

Front of the Class Clips/Report:

A Milli Vanilli Song: 

OCD Progress!

First blog post of June! This is exciting, and i'm making sure the first post of June is a positive one. A few days ago I had a very positive and uplifting OCD therapy session, which is something I really can't say a very often if at all.

Over the past month or so, I have been able to do things that my OCD protests against and actually fight back for the first time in a while. My OCD puts up fights against doing seemingly simple things for most people like wearing the clothes that i've worn once yet haven't washed, touching the photography table at school, touching any part of a sink, touching the side of the shower, touching trash cans, washing my hands in any way different from my rituals, doing laundry, and so much more. I can do these things for the most part, but I just have to wash my hands afterwards in a specific way for a specific amount of time.

So like I said for the first time in a while, I was able to do some of these things without washing my hands because I was able to put up a fight against OCD and resist doing my compulsions. I was able and continue to be able to wear clothes that i've worn before yet haven't washed. I work as an usher now at an Opera company and we wear a uniform that would be impractical to wash each time after I wear it since I work almost every night during the week. I was able to touch the photography table at school briefly without washing my hands when we had a special breakfast at the table for the last day of school. And I was also able to not wash my hands after I accidently touched an area near a sink and the side of the shower. These are HUGE for me! I know they seem really easy for most people, but trust me for me with my OCD these are big accomplishments. I don't really know why I am able to make this progress now when I wasn't able to make this kind of progress a month ago. Maybe my OCD medicine, Lexipro, is finally starting to help me, maybe its the fact that I am out of school and I have less school stress, or maybe I am just more motivated now to fight against OCD because i'm going off to college. I couldn't tell you which one it is, or if its a combination of them all, but I can tell you that whatever it is, I am really glad!

So anyway, I told my OCD therapist about these things at our last session and she was really blown away. I have been at a stand still with OCD for a long time and haven't been able to move ahead very much, and when I told her about my recent progress she said that I really really made her day. I responded with "Really?" because i'm sure my therapist has more important things to make her day but she told me that she gets her happiness from strange places and that I had really truly made her day by telling her this. I don't know if she just said this to make me feel good about my progress, or if this really did make her day, or if she just doesn't have very many patients actually making progress right now, but whichever one it is, I cannot deny that it really made me feel good to hear her say this.

In a few weeks, I am going to start an OCD intensive program with a behavioral medicine clinic and this progress that I am making now is really helping me to feel more ready to do the work and to start the program. I am doing the program now, because I don't want to be inhibited by my OCD in college to the extent that I am effected by it now. College is going to be a challenge already. If my OCD could possibly just be a bit better, then its one less thing that needs to be a  challenge for me in college.

Elementary School Reunion

Yesterday was my elementary school reunion. The school hosted the reunion since we're all seniors now and will be off to college next year. I knew seeing my elementary school friends would bring back a lot of memories, some of which were not pleasant memories. As i've mentioned before in previous posts, I was bullied in elementary school because of my tics by two boys, but still had 3 or 4 close friends. With my close friends I made excuses. When I was sniffling a lot, I had a "sinus infection" or a "cold" or it was just my usual "small sinuses". When I squeaked or squealed so much at sleepovers that my friends started to get annoyed, I was "stretching my voice" or "being silly". When I grabbed at my crotch area, I ignored the looks and the rude comments from the bullies because there was no good excuse for that one. There were a lot of unpleasant  memories and I just thought I was a really weird or annoying kid.

Since elementary school I haven't seen many people from the class really. I may have run into them once or twice and I spent some time with my close friends from elementary school as well in 7th and 8th grade but that was pretty much it. So this was my first time seeing them really with a diagnosis and a knowledge of what was going on with me all those years in elementary school. It was the first time I could be around them, be ticcing, and not have to think that I was this really weird or annoying kid.

I was doing a fair amount of ticcing at the reunion, particularly my facial tics like eye rolling or mouth opening, but not a whole lot of vocal tics or any major tics that would draw a lot of attention. I just let myself be me though without having to feel bad about which was just pretty incredible considering all the pain I endured in elementary school with these same people. The two boys that had bullied me didn't actually show up though. I don't blame them at all for not wanting to show up. One was held back a year in high school and the other was kicked out of his school for sending out threatening e-mails to the entire school. Goes to show you what kind of people are the bullies and what kind of things they end up doing later on in life.

I had a lot of fun catching up with my old teachers from elementary school and catching up with my friends as well. It was neat hearing where they were all going to college and what they've been up to! My friend who always wanted to be a fashion designer since 4th grade is going to a fashion design school in Chicago and my friend who was always so smart is going to Cornell. We all reminisced on old memories of how we used to ask each other about our pets when we had nothing to talk about, old songs we were forced to sing in music class, and our class trip to Chicago.

We all ate lunch and sat outside on the front lawn of the temporary school building because the building recently had a small fire in the attic and has to be repaired. The ironic part was that when we stepped in the building, I immediately recognized it as the place where I had OT (Occupational Therapy) for my Dysgraphia and Sensory Processing Disorder back in 3rd and 4th grade.

Also another thing was that my friend Sabrina actually brought up a time from elementary school when I was ticcing. We were talking about our class trip to Chicago and I couldn't remember who I roomed with so I asked my friend Sabrina if she remembered. Sabrina did remember and said that I shared a room with our friend Kelly who had later the next day told Sabrina she was slightly annoyed with me because I had been "stretching my voice" so much. I was surprised that she actually remembered this, because I didn't even remember it that well. I guess I have vague memories of it, but I can't even remember if I was doing it in the morning or at night or how Kelly reacted at the time. I guess it was just normal for me, so it wasn't too memorable at the time. Sabrina is the only one in the group who actually knows that I have Tourette's so I guess it all makes since to her now. I got a few stares when I was ticcing from the other kids who were in the class, but hey i'm used to that. They stared once or twice then got over it. For the most part, no one gawked or asked questions, but I wasn't even ticcing half as bad as I do sometimes.

We rapped the reunion up with trying to replicate our 6th grade class picture with the people who were there. The whole class didn't show up, but there were certainly enough people there to replicate the picture pretty well. And we all got Alumni society cups! After the reunion was over my group of friends from elementary school decided that we all wanted to go get smoothies. Three of my friends rode in one car, and I rode with Sabrina. As i've mentioned before, car rides set my tics off, but since we were talking and trying to navigate our way to the smoothie place my tics didn't get that bad. I did a few vocal tics in the car and the first time I did a vocal tic, Sabrina said "That didn't really sound like a sneeze? Was that a sneeze?". I told her that no it was not a sneeze but I was having a good time and didn't want to dwell on it or get into a conversation about it so I quickly changed the subject.

We ended up getting lost thanks to the great map program on my iphone, lol. But we eventually found our way to the smoothie place. We were a little later than the other three girls, but we still got there with plenty of time to get smoothies and hang out. I got a raspberry smoothie that was too sour, but I didn't really care because I was just having fun catching up with Sabrina and the rest of my friends from elementary school. Since I had been on the car drive, my vocal tics were still acting up a bit and I was doing some vocal tics in the smoothie store.

When I did tic, no one really reacted except for one girl who I wasn't really ever that close of friends with. I assume that means that the rest of them had some idea about my Tourette's from some of my video shares on facebook and from other kids who were in our class who know now. The girl that didn't know though said "What was that? That was really adorable!" and she started laughing a bit. I just laughed along with her and instead of giving her an explanation I just moved on to the next subject. I didn't really feel like explaining since I probably wouldn't hardly ever see her in the future and I didn't want to put a damper on the mood or anything with a serious topic like Tourettes. Hey don't get me wrong, I educate a lot of people about Tourette's and usually take the times I tic as an opportunity to educate and explain about Tourette's, but I do pick and choose when is the time to educate and when is the time not to educate.

Overall, I had a really great time at the reunion!! I loved seeing all my friends from elementary school, catching up, and reliving old times. Most of all, I loved not having to feel like "that weird annoying kid" that I always used to feel like. Instead I just was able to be myself which meant being okay with the fact that I ticced around them and not even feeling it necessarily to give the whole Tourette's explanation as a way of explaining that I really wasn't just a weird annoying kid. I knew inside of myself that I wasn't just a weird and annoying kid. I know I have Tourette's and that my tics are just part of me and that's what really matters in the long run.

Marc Elliot's Book: "What Makes you Tic?"

I just finished Marc Elliot's book "What makes you tic?" and I absolutely loved it! I recommend that anyone with Tourette's read it, and I also recommend it in general for anyone out there no matter what their challenges may be. And I say this because everyone has challenges. You may have Tourette's, or OCD, you may have a child with these disorders, you may be deaf of hard of hearing, or you may think you are too skinny or too fat. Or in fact you may just be too judgmental or have a short temper. Whatever you challenges, big or small, noticeable or hidden, you need to read this book!  Marc's message truly has changed my life and the way I think about not only myself and my TS, but it also changed the way I think about every other person around me. "Live and Let Live" is a message everyone should hear and it is a message I have been trying to live by ever since I heard Marc's speech for the first time back in September. 

















Link to purchase Marc's book:  https://www.marcelliot.com/store

10 minute documentary about Marc Elliot: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOfeW9qsNV8

Last Day of Senior Year

So today is the last day of my senior year. It's a bittersweet day because I am really sad to be leaving all my friends and teachers here in high school, but I am also excited to start the next chapter of my life. Most of the seniors are braking dress code, going around the school with food in their hands, and some are even riding on scooters! I even got my freshman time capsule sheet back! When I was a freshman I thought that as a senior I was going to be 5''4 (correct!), I was going to have hair a little longer than my shoulders (nope! my hair is about shoulder length!). that that maybe I would wear make up as a senior (nope!). I also thought my favorite class would be either English (yep!) or history (sort of!), and I thought I would apply to Brandeis (yep, but i'm not going there) or USC (nope! did not apply!). I thought Yale would not even be anywhere in my league and that I wouldn't be applying there and even though I didn't get in, I did apply because it kind of was semi in my league. I had no idea if I would have a relationship, but turns out senior year I did have one. I thought I would peruse writing as a profession and that is one of my options for sure!

It's pretty much like a huge party outside my advisory right now!!! Wow!!! My advisory said "its just chaos out there". Oh and I did in fact decide to tell the learning specialist about what happened with my teacher being really disrespectful about my accommodation of leaving the room and she was just outraged about how my teacher acted! She was so sweet to me and made me feel so much better about the situation. She was totally on my side and thought my teacher had been way out of line. My LC is truly the best! Thanks everyone who encouraged me to speak up about this even though I only have two days left of school! I feel so much better and my LC has assured me that she will take this through the proper channels so the school is aware or this teacher's actions. 

Other than that, there's not much more to tell. I start my job with the opera theater company on the 19th and I have orientation on the 12th. I also am meeting with someone from the disability resources department tomorrow to hear more about accommodations in college. I am requesting pretty much the same accommodations that I have not. Time and a half on in class assignments, tests, and exams, a private room in some cases for exam taking, and a calculator for any test or in class assignment that requires math calculation. I will let you guys know how the meeting goes tomorrow! Otherwise, I am signing off for now :)     

Visit to an all girls school helped me make my college decision!

Well I am finally back from my college trip. I guess I didn't blog about the trip before I went because I was so busy getting ready for it. I have been off visiting an all girls college l near Boston for the past 4 days. Two days I visited the college, and two days were travel days mainly. I am so relieved because I had narrowed it down to the all girls school and another college and I have finally made up my mind.  I am finally done with the college application process, FINALLY and OFFICALLY! I am sooooo excited!

I have to say I did not like the all girls school much. The all girls environment was strange and felt rather unnerving to me. It was almost intimidating in a way. The campus was so quiet and serious. It was like a nunnery or some sort of convent in a way. I am a good student who takes themselves very seriously, but this type of environment really lacked the excitement of college and in retrospect when comparing it to other colleges seemed rather dull  and dry. It felt like any second someone was going to say "Yes, Mary Margaret let's go to the dining hall and have some crumpets and tea". Not really my thing.

I see myself as someone who is much more down to earth and although I am not much of a drinker or partier, I like my fair share of excitement and activity. And although it was not the thought at the front most of my mind,  I kept thinking, "boy would my tics stand out here". There would have been a lot of places that would have been really hard for me to go to: the main library (which was absolutely silent), the smaller dining halls (which were like the dining halls you might find in a convent almost), the science center, many of the smaller libraries, and even the main student center where almost every voice was at a soft tone or a whisper.  There was a part of me that wondered "These girls are so serious and dedicated to their work. Would they just think of me as mere distraction or disruption to their success?"

There were so many other things that I didn't like about the college though besides those that were TS related.  I wouldn’t be able to minor in Creative writing, I would have to take mandatory PE classes, oh and the fact that there were NO BOYS.

Anyway, I am soooo excited about my final decision. I think I have made the right one for many reasons. the campus I decided on has excitement, a down to earth attitude, and seriousness at the same time that is not quite taken to such an extreme. The people there seem so much more accepting. And there are boys, lol. Don't get me wrong, I like my time with my girl friends and I am certainly  not boy crazy, but the boys add an extra layer of excitement and flirtatiousness to the campus. I have grown up with a brother my whole life, I have had romantic relationships with guys and friendships with guys as well.

My tics didn't pose a giant problem for the trip or anything which was really nice. I have been having a decent amount of motor tics but my vocal tics were pretty mild this week. I had a fair amount of comments on my motor tics and some on my more mild vocal tics but I just brushed the comments off and acted normal. I got  everything from "are you cold" and "are you getting a cold" to the more concerned "are you OKAY?". But I avoiding getting into the explanation of TS  and simply answered "maybe I was getting a cold" "yes I am a bit chilly" and "I'm fine". There was only one time during the whole trip that my yelping vocal tics came out and when I decided to actually explain.

When I was walking with a prospective student and a current student to the science building (which was quite a long walk) I could feel my bad yelping tics building up. I suppressed and suppressed and suppressed until it actually got to the point where it became awful painful . I had no choice and I had to let it out. I tried to disguise it as much as I possibly could, but the student's reaction was "Are you okay? Was that a sneeze?". The typical reaction. I tried to brush it off by just telling her I was okay and not explaining. I didn't feel like explaining because I wouldn't be seeing her ever again really. But it just got worse and worse and when I couldn't suppress any longer, my yelps came out loudly even though they were still semi-suppressed. I was expecting a reaction which I really did not want, but that's what happens when you start yelping out of the blue. And like I predicted, the student I was standing next to reacted. She jumped a bit and said "Oh my goodness, you have squeaky sneezes". I decided to take the opportunity to see how a Wellesley student would react to my tic explanation. So I explained and said "Actually I have tics...not like the bugs...like movements and sounds that just kind of happen". I didn't want to get to into the "I have Tourette's but I don't swear" explanation and this one seemed to fit better for the situation since I wouldn't really be seeing this girl again. The student was awesome about it though! She just treated it like normal which is the best reaction I can ask for most of the time. She was totally okay with it and said that she was sorry she kind of jumped and she really didn't mean to make me feel uncomfortable or anything and I told her that was totally fine because I do it all the time and sometimes even my friends still jump! She even put her hand on my back as a sweet kind of gesture letting me know everything was okay. This kind of experience really makes me feel like everything will be alright in college and that people are mature and understanding enough to really be accepting.

A good experience overall that helped me make my decision for college next year! I am soooo excited for college and I have a good feeling that I will make plenty of friends and people will accept me, tics and all, just like in high school!

Tourette's story about my friend who is compassionate and a great listener!

Tourette's Story time! Yay! Today my best friend Tie Dye wanted to tell me a funny story after school. She told me that she was in art class and a girl came in singing the part of the "Fergalicious" song that goes like "Woo-eee". Tie Dye was talking to her art teacher and somehow the "Woo-eee" got stuck in her head and while she was talking to her art teacher she randomly out of no where said "woo-eee" really loudly. She had no idea why she did this but said it must have gotten stuck in her head unconsciously and it just popped out. A brain blip. Everyone in the class started laughing and she turned really red.

Once she was done telling the story, I laughed a bit and then said "welcome to my world". Tie Dye was quiet for a few seconds then said "Oh, right. I guess so.  Maybe I understand a bit more now".

After she got dressed into her sports outfit for her tennis, she came out of the stall and said "I feel bad now because I realize how much I don't understand about what it's like for you". I told her not to feel bad, and we got into a heart-to-heart but at the same time casual conversation about my TS. I told her about people's usual reactions and about how some people stare but some people ask me "what was that?". She asked me how I usually respond to this and I told her it depends on the situation. If its someone who is important to me or someone who I may be spending more time with in the future and I think should know then I just explain it to them and tell them not to be concerned and that its not a huge deal or anything. If its someone who I don't know like someone from a lower grade who I don't think I will ever know to well I usually just play it off, don't really respond with much, and don't really go into a long explanation or an explanation at all. Sometimes people think I am sneezing and I just say "thanks" and let them think that I was just sneezing in an odd high pitched way.

We then got talking about staring. I told her it bothered me the most when people don't ask and just stare really obviously. I told her about earlier today when a girl just turned towards me and stared for like a solid thirty seconds in a really obvious way. I told her about how this is sometimes hard for me, and Tie Dye was so great to listen and talk with me. We gave the girl who stared a me a funny nick name "Gawker" which happens to be kind of similar to her last name. This made me feel better.

Anyway, I just loved how I was able to talk about it so openly with Tie Dye. She listened to me, helped me feel better about earlier that day when I was being stared at, and truly wanted to really understand more about what it's like to live with Tourette's. She will never cease to amaze me with her incredible compassion. The other day she told me she was listening to a sad song and started crying really hard because it reminded her about how much she is going to miss me when we go our separate ways to college. Of course we will still be friends, but we won't see each other every day like we do now. I can only hope that I meet people like her in college who I can become friends with.

Frustration!

So between yesterday and today I have had some frustrating times. Last night my brother used my OCD against me and I really really hate that. We had a fight over the TV. I wanted to watch TV since I had almost no homework and my brother thought I was playing it too loud. He told me if I didn't turn it off he would go in my room and bathroom and mess all my stuff up, in turn putting contaminated things on non-contaminated things and contaminating my entire room. Of course this would have just been more awful for me to bear, so I had no choice but to turn off the TV so he wouldn't contaminate my room. His exact words were "I don't care if you mess up my stuff, but you would care if I messed up your stuff because you have OCD". I hate it that he used my OCD against me and used it to get his way. I am worried he will do this in the future. If he does, I hate to say it, but he will win every time.

Today I am sitting in my regular hang out place but there are a few new girls in the room who don't usually hang out here at this time. Of course I am ticcing like usual and every time I do my yelping vocal tic this girl is looking over at me and just staring. I am fed up with it. It's so rude to stare is such an obvious way. A part of me just wants to say "I have Tourette's. You can stop staring now." but right now I just don't feel like getting into it. I feel weakened from last night and not too confident right now. I guess I will just let her stare. I hate it when people stare at me when I'm ticcing, but that's life. 

A Message From A Student In My Class! :)

As most of you know, I presented the Tourette documentary that I made to my senior class a few weeks ago. Today a girl in my class sent me this message:

"Hi. I know this is super delayed but I wanted to say how incredible your documentary was. My brother has a really mild tic from his add medication and I never knew what to say to make it easier for him. Your video showed me how acting normal is the key."

I was soooo happy that she told me about this and it was fantastic to hear that my documentary made a difference in another person's life. :)

2nd and Final Part of the Tourette's Study! :)

Yesterday I went down to the medical school campus once again to meet up with one of my favorite people with TS, Dr. G, and to do the second part of the Tourette's study, the MRI. I met Dr. G in the waiting room and then we went back to the MRI control room. There was another woman in the MRI control room to help out with the MRI screening and such. She was very friendly and of course Dr. G was amazing as usual. I took out my earnings and then we went into the MRI room.

I couldn't believe how big the MRI machine was!! It looked huge! I was told to lay down on the laying part of the machine and they got everything set up to make sure I was conferrable. They put pillows on either side of my head to help me keep my head still and put this mask cage looking thing over my face. They also put large earphones over my ears which they would later play music in so the noise of the machine wasn't too loud. I was a little nervous but not too much surprisingly and I wasn't ticcing to much just yet.

When they sent me into the machine, it wasn't really too bad. It just looked like I was in a big white tube and I was only doing some leg and feet tics. First they did some set up scans were I only had to stay still for about 30 to 40 seconds and they tested out the music. It took a little bit to get the music volume right but eventually we found the right volume. Dr. G talked to me through the earphones and they could hear me as well. Just the little things she said in between scans made all the difference and made me feel less nervous.

For the first long scan I had to stay still for 5 minutes and look at a plus sign on a screen. Before the scan, Dr. G made sure I was conferrable, ready, and alright. She told me to stay as still as I could, but made it clear that I just needed to stay as still as was reasonable for me. I was actually able to stay still for the five minutes but was doing A LOT of blinking and eye darting. I couldn't quite get my eyes to stay on that plus sign. After I was done, Dr. G told me I did a good job staying still and said that they were setting up for the next scan, so I could get all my "wiggles out". I jerked my arms, legs, and did a lot of facial tics in between the scans.

I did about 4 more of these 5 minute scans where I look at the plus sign and each time in between I would have time to let out my tics, so it really wasn't all too bad. The cushions on either side of my head, under my legs, and under my arms put pressure on me, kind of like my weighted blanket, which helped my tics not be awful. Like I have said before, this MRI screening was obviously designed for people with Tourette's.

The longest scan I had the whole time was an 8 minute scan, but they put music on and I was allowed to close my eyes which helped. I was able to stay pretty still for all the sections of the scan and let my tics out in between the scans so I was very happy about this! It was over soon enough and Dr. G told me that she was coming in to get me.  I was relived that it was over and so glad I could now tic freely.

I was ticcing a lot more when I came out of the scanner than when I went in, but it wasn't all that bad. I was doing a bit more of my hand shaking tics and facial tics, but overall even though I was a little nervous in the beginning  the whole experience turned out just fine. And after I was done, Dr. G printed out some awesome pictures of my brain for me to keep! Yay! Check out my brain! Pretty cool, huh? A part of me can't even really believe that this is what the inside of my head looks like!!!

Also, I have been looking for things to do over the summer and one of the things I really want to do is either get a paying job or do some volunteer work. So at the end, when Dr. G was walking me back to where she had met me, I asked her if there were any volunteer opportunities that I could participate in in the lab. I was kind of expecting her to say, no sorry but we only let adults work on these kind of studies, but to my surprise when I asked she looked super excited!!! She was really excited that I wanted to help out in the lab, and almost immediately came up with the perfect job for me! While the kids and adults with Tourette's participating in the study are in the MRI machine, parts of their body like their eyes and their legs are video taped and the sound is also recorded. Every recording has to be played back, watched, and each tic needs to be written down with the time stamp and type of tic that was displayed. Dr. G thought she should be the one to do them since she is so good at identifying tics since she too has Tourette's, but there are so many of them! So she thought this would be the perfect job for me to help out with!

She was super excited that I wanted to help out and I was super excited that she was offering me this volunteer position! She will be calling on Monday to get my social security number (since I forgot to bring it with me :P) and I think we will talk more about me helping out in the lab then! I just have to let her know when my last day of school is and then we can start setting things up. I am soooooo excited!!!! I will be participating in doing real research on Tourette's!! What more could I ask for?

I also hope to get a job as an usher at my state's Opera Theature, and I will probably be doing lots of intensive OCD therapy in a summer program and some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help lessen some of my more painful joint cracking tics. So I hope to have lots to do this summer, but I am most excited about working in the lab with Dr.G. She is pretty much my idol and getting to work with her on Tourette research is going to be my idea of a perfect summer.

New dropping to my knee's tic....ehhhh its not fun.

Since Monday night I have been dealing with a new and incredibly difficult tic. I basically have to tighten all the muscles in my legs, drop to my knees, and have my knees hit the floor to cause a certain pain level. This tic is just awful. I get the feeling and urge to drop to the floor all over my body and it just overwhelms me to such a great extent. The worst thing is that sitting down doesn't even help because my body just needs to do the tic to its full extent. I have dropped to the floor many times since Monday but so far have been trying my best to hold it back while around people at school because it is just so embarrassing. It also hurts my knees really badly so my strategy for now is to just avoid doing it for as long as possible until I just have to. I also don't want to worry my friends or freak them out. Of course they all know I have Tourette's, but regardless of that, seeing someone suddenly drop to their knees would still be reason for concern. They are used to my squeals, squeaks, yelps, facial tics, and my other motor tics like arm tics and head tics but they have never really seen a motor tic this severe from me.

Yesterday near the end of the day, the urge of needing to drop got really bad and I was just doing everything in my power to stop it from happening. My amazing friend Tie Dye noticed that something was up. She asked me if I was okay and said that I looked really uptight. I hesitated for a moment but then decided to tell her the truth because after all she pretty much my best friend and always understands. So I told her about my new tic and how I was trying to suppress it the best I could. She then replied that I should just do it if I need to and asked me what it looked like. I told her that it looked like I was just basically dropping to the floor, that it was really embarrassing and that at least for now I was going to try to suppress it for as long as possible. She was so great and really understood me the best anyone can who doesn't live with Tourette's.  She is the best friend I could ever really ask for. 

After I was safe and alone,  I dropped to my knees many times. It was such a relief to let it go, but it really hurt my knees to do it so many times in a row even though it was on a carpeted floor. 

Today yet again I am battling with the tic. I have been suppressing it pretty much all day every time I feel the need to do it, but of course I am doing all my other usual tics. Tie Dye was great today yet again when she asked "Can I ask you about how your new tic is? Is that okay?". She is such a caring friend to have asked about it to make sure I am okay and of course I told her that it was totally okay to ask me about it, and that it was really sweet of her to ask. I told her that the tic has been okay for a majority of the morning and she kind of laughed and said "the 'majority'" of the morning. I told her that it was nice to talk about it sometimes for me because it makes me feel better to talk about it with those who care. I told her that my new tic is embarrassing and that my strategy for now was just to avoid doing it as long as possible until I have to. She told me that she had run across the phrase "I have Tourette's, but Tourette's doesn't have me" and wanted to know if I had heard it. I told her it was from a great documentary and that I love that phrase!!!   

A rough couple of days with this new tic, but I am dealing with it the best I can. I don't know how long I will be able to suppress it in front of my friends like this, but we will see. Tonight I am going to my cousin Twitch's house for a Passover sader. I will be super glad to see my cousins Twitch, Kitty, and Lipstick again this week! I already saw them once this week because my little cousins were in town this week and now I get to see them again! I am especially excited to see Twitch because we had the best heart-to-heart over text about Tourette's the other night. She is an amazing person to reach out to when I am having really hard times with Tourette's like this. She basically said that she cares about me so much and feels really protective towards me. She said that we have this amazing bond because we both have Tourette's and that out of everyone in the family she feels she is closest to me. Twitch and I have never been this close before but I can tell you for sure that it made me feel so fantastic to hear her say these things. I feel like we do have this amazing bond because of Tourette's. You can talk about how crazy that party was last night with just about anyone, but you can't talk about how painful it is to suppress tics or how it feels to not want to go to school when your tics get really bad with everyone and have the other person completely 100% understand. It means so much to me that I have a member of my family who is my age and who has Tourette's. She not only has helped me so much to feel more confident about my Tourette's, but also whenever I am having a rough time with tics I know I can reach out to her and talk about it so that I feel i'm not so alone. When I talk to her, I feel like I am not the only person who has to deal with this. Gosh I just do not know what I would do without her throughout all this.   

The Tics Attack!

Well I think yesterday proved to be a bit too much excitement for me. Being back at school and being able to just let my tics out and tic freely was great! But I think the stimulation got to me because when I got home my tics got so bad that my leg and muscle tightening tics  brought me to the ground twice in a period of only 5 minutes. Both times I ended up in a odd position sitting on the floor with all my muscles constricted and tensing. 


This kind of thing has never really happened before for me and new tics/ things like this always kind of scare me because I don't know if they will stick or how frequent they will become. I was a bit scared a first and worried that this would become a regular thing that would happen at school or out in public. My dog is looked concerned enough, lol, and I think my friends would be highly concerned too if this kind of thing started happening regularly. I  stayed sitting on my chair for a good while and working on my lap top before trying to get up and walk around again, but the feeling of needing to tighten all my muscles and drop to the floor just kept nagging at me with a vengeance. 


I stayed sitting and doing homework on my laptop for most of the night, but when I got into bed I ran into real problems. It took me until midnight to actually fall asleep because of how bad my tics were in bed, and I woke up again at 2am ticcing like crazy. All my muscles in my body were tightening, tensing, and contracting which was pulling me into odd postures and position and making me squirm all over my bed. Then my leg muscles and arm muscles would tighten and my joints would just lock in a stick straight position.  My weighted blanket was of no help and my tics just kept throwing the blanket off of me. I was trying so hard to go back to bed, but the tics just kept coming and coming with no sign of letting up. The premonitory urge I get before ticcing was SO strong that I couldn't even believe it and it just felt like I was going to explode if I even tried keep my body still. Staying still was simply not an option. I got so frustrated during the night with my tics and wanted more than anything to just be able to lie still and go to sleep. I tried getting up and walking around, getting a snack bar, reading, getting on my laptop, and getting water but nothing worked. 


I was wide awake and ticcing like crazy trying to go back to sleep from 2am to 6am. And my alarm for school goes off at 7am.....great. So that was pretty much the worst night I have ever had with my tics as far as I can remember. I have had many first days back to school after break, but I have never quite had this severe of a reaction as far as tics are concerned.


I was determined to go to school today though and I figured if I was just so tired that I couldn't make it through the day that I could go home. So I drove to school and I was surprisingly not as tired as I thought I was going to be. I was still of course very tired, but never so tired that I thought I needed to go home. My friend Steam Punk thinks I wasn't all that tired today because I never went into deep REM sleep last night and the hours I did get were spaced out. I had pretty bad tics all day, but nothing compared to last night. The good thing was that I never dropped to the floor. A few times I had the urge to tighten all my muscles and drop to the floor but I had enough control to find a seat and sit down before I fell. I think the dropping to the floor tic may become a tic that do when my tics get really really bad but since my tics were not really really bad today I had control over it enough to avoid falling on the ground. I really hope I will sleep well tonight. I so need a good night's sleep!   

Happily ticcing my way through the day now that i'm back at school!

Well this will be a very quick post I think. Although every time I say that, I end up writing a really really long post, lol. Anyway today was my first day back to school after my 2 week spring break and I have to say I am glad to be back! I was worried that my tics were going to be really bad since it's the first day back, and even though my tics were pretty frequent and noticeable today I didn't mind it all that much. In fact, I was just relived to be back in school and surrounded by my friends who don't care if I tic or not.

It was such a relief to be able to let go and just let my tics out. I guess I don't always realize how much I actually suppress my tics when I am around my mom, brother, and dad. I don't know why I feel less comfortable ticcing around my family than around my friends, but it's just the way I feel. I guess it's because most of my friends really try to make me feel comfortable when I tic and try to just ignore it most of the time besides the occasional "you have the cutest tics" comment or the occasional "i'm really proud of you for being so open", or even the "your tics really don't bother me, in fact I think they're pretty cool" conversation.

Whereas, my parents particularly my mom, finds it difficult to look at my tics or compulsions in any sort of positive light and sees it as something that could hold me back or make people discriminate against me. She only sees my tics as a negative facet. I guess I feel more comfortable ticcing around my friends because they don't see my tics as something negative, rather just a part of me that makes me, well, "me"!

So today was really a relief more than anything. It felt so good to just let my tics go and not worry about what other people are thinking of me. Being in my high school with my classmates and friends is like being in a society that just understands Tourette's and understands that my tics are just part of me. Ever heard the phrase happily ticcing? Well if not, I just made it up! Today I was happily ticcing my way through the day surrounded by my amazing friends and classmates! I felt confident, on top of things, and more than anything I just felt like myself which is sometimes the best feeling of them all.

"Be what you are, and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind" -Dr. Seuss

1st part of the Tourette's research study! :)

Hey guys! So today I did the first part of the Tourette's study that I am participating in! I drove down to the medical school campus where the neurology labs are and where I had interviewed the Tourette experts for my documentary. The woman I interviewed for the documentary who both has Tourette's and researches it was the one who did the testing and I was so glad to see her again because (once again) I think she is just awesome!

The first part of the study is the behavioral testing portion and that's the portion I did today. We went into a fairly small testing room and did the testing and cognitive part first. I did things like repeat numbers forwards and backwards, give definitions of vocab words, identify shape patterns, read off colors, and read of colors of words when a different color was written (like this: blue or red). The reading of the colors was actually hard! I kept wanting to say the word that was written instead of the color it was written in!

Then we did the second part of the behavioral testing portion which was to do pencil and paper questionnaires. I had already done a few questionnaires on gender, ethnicity, handedness, health history, medicines, and family Tourette's history. At the lab though I did questionnaires on my current and past tics, my OCD, and the premonitory urge that most people with tics feel before a tic. It was pretty easy for me to fill out the forms because i've done forms like that before a whole lot (especially the OCD forms for various therapists lol!). I wasn't ticcing that badly throughout the testing which was good! I was really focused on what I was doing. I did do some throat clearing, sniffling,  squeaking, eye tics, and facial tics though, but Dr. G didn't seemed fazed at all by them of course. She spends a lot of time with people who have tics. She did confuse one of my vocal tics with a sneeze though and said "bless you" after I ticced. This is a very very common confusion though with me, lol. Everyone always thinks i'm sneezing!

My favorite part though was getting to be with Dr. G and do the testing with her. It's amazing to be with an adult who understand tics on such a personal level and know exactly what it is like. To be able to discuss a premonitory urge with an adult like it's as normal as an itch, is something I don't get to do too often. To answer the question "have your tics caused you distress?" with "sometimes they don't bother me that much and sometimes they just get really bad and I want them to stop. Oh and also I was bullied as a kid" and have her completely 100% understand me because she went through the same thing is really unique and special for someone with Tourette's.

When I mentioned I was bullied she said with such understanding "kids can really be cruel" and when I said my parents had taken me to get CT scans of my sinus's and allergy tests to try to figure out my sniffling problem, the look on her face was one of such understanding and sympathy and "i've been there, that was me". Dr. G is truly my idol and someone I just look up to so much. I wish I could know more about her and spend more time with her. I think if we were the same age, we would have been great friends.

Well I have one more portion of the research study to do, and that's the MRI portion. I go for my MRI of my brain on Saturday at noon and Dr. G will be there! I am excited to see Dr.G again but not so excited for the MRI. Dr. G says that she will image for intervals of 5 minutes then stop so I can get all my "wiggles" out in between. You can tell this MRI screening was designed for people with Tourette's, lol.

Hopefully I will be able to get through the MRI screening without having to get up and jump and tic all over the place. I am not to confident I will be able to get through it though without having to get up and tic a bunch bunch bunch though. The last time my body was confined to a small space was when I was coxing and my coach wanted me to be a rower for one day. With my feet strapped down in the boat, Tourette's kept protesting and my feet and legs kept jerking out of the feet straps and I just NEEDED to get up. When the boat finally stopped and we got to land, I had to shake all over, hop up and down, and basically spaz out for like a solid hour. So I am hoping that the same thing will not repeat itself. Dr. G says I will fill out about 20 minutes of forms after the MRI scan so most likely she will see the worst of my Tourette's. I am so grateful she will be there though as apposed to another doctor who I don't know. I know that however it goes, Dr.G will be incredibly understanding. After all, she herself has Tourette's and knows what it's like.

Besides all this, yesterday I got to hang out with my cousins Kitty and Twitch! We had a family get together because one of my uncle's is in town from California. He brought his two young kids who I have never met before. The older boy definitely has so ADHD. Talk about a hyperactive kid! I think Twitch is having a rough time with tics though. She is back to wearing her tic medicine patch and her medical alert bracelet for TS. I haven't seen her wearing either for a while, but as most of us know, tics wax and wane. I hope her tics get better soon because its looking like she has lost a lot of weight and has more scaring from a complex skin picking tic which both of us have. She seemed to be in good spirits despite all this though and she was very nice to me and we talked a lot. I was also wearing my James Durbin necklace too! I hope she recognized it! Maybe not though because few people actually know about James Durbin even in the TS community.

I also start school again tomorrow. I've been on spring break for two weeks, and I have to say I am glad to go back to school! I have missed being with all my friends every day and I have even missed seeing my teachers! First day back after this long can prove for a trying day of tics, but maybe I will get lucky and have few tics because I am relaxed and have been on break for a while. We'll see!

#Shopping with Tourette's

Today I went out to lunch with my mom and afterwards we went shopping and bought some awesome new Capri pants in all these different bright colors. I bought teal (TS awareness!), blood orange, and white colors! And I got some very cute shirts as well.

While I was shopping, I was doing a lot of my sniffling tics and the lady who was helping us said to me "Oh are your allergies bad this time of year?". I've never actually had real allergies. When I was little I was brought to more allergists, ENT's, and doctors than I could count for my "sniffling problems" and at one point a doctor told my parents that I "might be allergic to dust mites", but I never really did have any allergies. In addition to my many allergy tests, I had a giant tube stuck down my nose to get a picture of my adenoids to see if that was the problem that was causing my sniffling, and I had a CT of my sinus passages as well. All the doctors could come up with was that "maybe" I was allergic to dust mites and "maybe" I had moderately enlarged adenoids.

I didn't feel like educating the lady who was helping me find a shirt for two minutes, so I just shook my head. She then said "Oh my allergies get really bad this time of year, and your just sniffling a lot so that's why I asked". And then my mom replied with "she sniffles a lot".

Well that's my Tourette's story for the day, lol. Not too exciting or eventful, but just a snip-it of my day.  #ShoppingwithTourette's!

Anyway, my uncle on my dad's side, his wife, and his kids come into town tomorrow night. His kids (my cousins) are pretty young and are only 6 and 8 years old. I've never actually met them and its kind of been an ongoing joke in my family that the kids are myths. I'm excited to finally get to meet them! My dad's side of the family is going to have a big dinner get together tomorrow night and I will also get to hang out with my cousins Kitty and Twitch as long as they can come! Hopefully both Kitty and Twitch will be there so we can hang out and catch up on stuff. I'll blog about it :).