I Sometimes Forget I have Tourette's...Oops My Bad

So I don't usually actually forget that I have Tourette's but I do sometimes forget to think of myself as a person who may have some limitations because of Tourette's. I have always been told that if I set my mind to anything, I can do it. And most of the time this is true. If I want to do something, I do it regardless of the fact that I have TS. It doesn't even pop into my head as something that could stop me. However there are some things that I just can't do because of Tourette's. For example, I can't be a rower. I'm a coxswain and I can do that very well, but my tics get in the way a whole lot if I were to actually row. I've rowed a few times before and there are a few things that would make it very hard for me to row. #1 is that my feet are strapped down in these shoes and when any part of my body is confined or strapped down, tourette's throws a tantrum. Its similar to how men with TS start ticcing like crazy when they're in a suit or have a tight collar. When my feet are strapped down in the boat my legs just jolt up over and over again until my feet come out of the foot straps which would make it very hard for me to actually row on a regular basis. When I get out of the boat (i've only tried out rowing a few times) I shake all over, hop up and down, and basically spaz out completely for at least a solid hour. Tourette's gives me limitations. However, I forget these limitations on a regular basis because they don't come up in my day to day life.

The other day however, was a time when the limitations of Tourettes came up. Just another time that I realized that Tourettes can make certain things very difficult for me. This was my first day of a new history class and my teacher, Mrs. Baltimore, asked if we could have two time keepers to make sure she didn't run over time. One girl volunteered and then no one else wanted to. After a little bit, I decided I would raise my hand and volunteer since Mrs. Baltimore is my college counsler and since I wanted to do something nice for her. Here's the part where I say, oops I forgot about Tourettes. The signal for class being over was to put your hands together like a T like the time out referee's do  but as soon as she told me this, Tourettes took action. The T signal was meant only for the end of class and if I did it I would draw her attention to me, which made it a prime tic candidate. Tics are all about the forbidden, and doing what your not supposed to do. If there's a gesture that I'm not supposed to do at a certain time, I do it. It's a part of copropraxia. So it was unavoidable, I began making the T signal forcefully with my hands which included be jamming my fingers into my palm (which hurts)! I realized I should not have volunteered for this position number one because I could now not stop myself from making the "class is over" sign when class was not over and number two because I move around so much because of motor tics that no one would notice if I was trying to get someone's attention with my hand gestures, they would probably just think I was ticcing. Hopefully the other girl will take over the job for the most part. Oh well, I tried. Just another day in the life of someone with Tourettes.

"Heads Up I Make Noises That Sound Like A Pokemon"

Today I experimented with a new way of telling others that I have Tourettes. I usually take the advice from the tsa website which is to take the next time you tic as an opportunity to explain, but this time I decided to try the "heads up" approach. I was doing a long partner run during rowing today and I was paired up with someone I hadn't been paired up with before. After about 10 or so minutes of running I could begin to feel that farmiliar feeling that comes before my bouts of vocal tics and I decided that I would give her a heads up in advance. As we were running I said "Hey, just a heads up, I may make some noises pretty soon. They're involuntary. Don't worry, I have Tourette's Syndrome and It's pretty normal for me". The girl I was running with was really chill about it and told me not to worry at all. She then told me that when she gets upset she mixes german and english swear words together and it sounds pretty weird. Not sure how this really relates, but I just laughed along. It took less than a minute for my "eeekkk" sounding vocal tics to start up. I then added that my friends say I sound like a Pokemon which is kinda hilarious. She thought this was pretty funny as well. All in all I like this approach to telling people because it makes me feel less embarrassed. This way I knew before I tic that the girl was okay with it and understood. It made me more at ease and I image it made her more at ease as well.

Second Day of the Regatta

The second day of the Regatta was the day of the actual races. We got up at 6:45, ate a quick breakfast, then headed down to the race site on the bus. When we got there, the tent and tarps and tables were already set up thank goodness! I sat down in my crazy creek chair and immediately noticed that I forgot my warm ski socks back at the hotel! Luckily my mom had come along to watch me and my brother at the Regatta so I started calling her and texting her immediately! She got the text just in time before my first race, but in the mean time I wrapped my extra sweat pants around my feet which worked surprisingly well! It was absolutely freezing and I was bundled up with long sleeves, long spandex pants, a sweat shirt, a heavy down coat, sweat pants, a hat, and gloves. My mom got to the site with my socks and toe warmers about 20 minutes before my race and my feet warmed up really fast! I then got the boat out on the water, coxed two 5k's, one of which was the race and got back with enough time to eat some lunch and use the restroom before my next race. The next race was in a four person boat. My first 8 person boat that I had just finished coxing had given me bruises on my back from sitting in the cox seat for so long! Then when I got in the 4 person boat I decided it was warm enough to leave my coat and gloves behind. WRONG DECISION! Yes, it was fairly warm at this point but I did not account for the fact that I would be splashed by the person in two seat with her oar for the entire race! At the end of the race I was freezing cold and soaking wet! I also had a bruise on my back from the eight person boat, a bruise on my head from the head rest in the 4 person boat, a bruised and swollen knee from steering the 4 person boat, and a bruise on my jaw from earlier when I had smacked myself in the face identically due to an arm tic. Overall I was freezing cold and in pain and not very happy because my first boat and come in last and my second boat had come in 6th. But the good thing was that I had been so focused on coxing the entire time that I didn't actually tic that much during the day. My OCD however, did interfear with the trip in SO many ways. I don't really want to go into that right now though. If anyone out there however does want to hear more about how my OCD effects me, comment on one of my posts and I'll try to make some posts about OCD. Usually though it's something that I don't talk about much because I find it to be very embarrassing. All in all I was glad when the Regatta was over, but I was also proud of myself that I had actually done it and that I got through the Regatta alright! I am now home and even though it may have been my last Regatta, I am still glad that I could go and get something out of it.

My boat:

 Another team's boat:

First Day of the Regatta- The Bus Ride and A Stranger's Reaction to Tourette's

I am finally back from the Regatta! And I have to say I am so glad it's over. The first thing that I was pretty stressed about was the bus ride, although it ended up being just fine! I was really lucky because I came on the bus pretty late and all the seats except for the front ones were taken. Everyone was already paired up with someone to sit with, so I got two seats to myself! Being in the front helped me feel less enclosed or trapped and having two seats helped with that as well. Feeling trapped is one of the major things that sets me tics off and when I was younger I had panic attacks in movie theaters, plays, and small rooms. I slept the first couple of hours and when I woke up I stayed really focused on my homework. Because I was sitting alone, either sleeping or doing homework the entire time, my tics were very mild. I had some minor motor tics on the ride but no loud vocal tics which was really a relief!

The only time of the whole Regatta when my tics got pretty bad was that night. We first went to the race site and took the boats down and put the riggers back on. During this period I was standing with Freshman buddy, and two other girls who also know about my tics, so I didn't get any comments or looks from them when I started stomping my feet really hard on the ground at throwing my arms out in front of me. When we got back on the bus I was ticcing like crazy with anticipation, but just motor tics thank goodness! I hit myself pretty hard in the jaw though accidentally due to some arm tics and got a bit of a bruise that's still sore! Little did I know that this would be my first of MANY bruises I would receive during the Regatta. However, the other bruises were not due to tics. Anyway, Some of the girls were looking over at me a bit, but they've seen my motor tics before and I'm used to people looking. We went to dinner at Red Robin and I was still ticcing pretty badly at this point. I sat with girls that all knew about my tics and with the coach who knows as well so I wasn't very self conscious and the girls and coach were very good about treated me normally like they always do. They didn't seem to be phased by my tics at all. Our waitress however, was not accustomed to someone with TS. At the end of dinner when I was done with my food I was talking with the other girls and the waitress came over. I was still ticcing, but not that badly compared to earlier, and the waitress asked my friend sitting next to me if I was done with my food. My friend said "I don't know, I think so" and the waitress took my food away. I kinda wanted to shout at the lady and say "I can talk for myself you know!" but she left too quickly. This really makes me angry because she made an assumption about me based on the fact that I was ticcing which probably was along the lines of that I was unable to talk for myself or that I was disabled in some way and needed others to talk for me. Now these assumptions are not true, but she acted on her assumptions anyway. Little did she know that I would be steering a boat down the Ohio river and screaming my lungs out at the rowers telling them to row harder and to put everything they had into the race. I would be correcting their technique and calling for pressure in order to get the boat situated in the right direction. I could have let her assumption upset me, but I chose not to. Her assumption was just that, an assumption and she only made this assumption because she was uneducated about Tourettes. If she somehow got to know me on a personal level she would have realized that her initial assumption was completely wrong and she would come to grow accustomed to my tics just like everyone else has. This thought, I guess, is what helped me to ignore the situation and not take in personally. Somehow also the fact that I knew I was going to write about it on my blog helped me as well. Writing about these kinds of things helps me take a step back from the situation and accept the I do look different when I tic but it in no way reflects on who I am as a person.

After dinner we all went straight back to the hotel to get some rest before the Regatta. I explained Tourettes to the rower that I was sharing a bed with and she seemed to be fine with it even though she was one of the rare ones who had never heard of Tourettes before. I told her that it caused involuntary sounds and  movements similar to twitching and she seemed to understand and told me she was sorry for earlier when she said "bless you" after I did my first vocal tic of the day (Incredible!) which was the one that sounds like a high pitched "eeeek" or a sneeze sometimes. I told her not to worry about it and that people confuse it for a sneeze all the time.

Overall I had a very good fist day of the Regatta! I appreciated that my vocal ticcing was minimal and even though my motor tics started acting up near the end of the night I didn't let it ruin my time :)

More to come in part two!

Prepping for the Regatta!

A shorter post for tonight! I have to get ready for my Regatta!!! I probably won't post Friday or Saturday night because I'll be at the Regatta, but maybe if I have internet access I'll feel the need to post a short update. Tonight I spent all night de-rigging boats and packing up many many cox boxes into their cox box boxes and many many cox box boxes into the very large cox box box box. That's certainly a mouthful, cox box box box. We put all the boats and oars onto the trailer that the travel on to get to the Regatta site. Our Regatta is all the way in a diffrent state and over all its a 7-8 hour buss ride to get there. The fun thing about tonight was that every varsity member was paired up with a novice member (as a sort of buddy system) and since I'm a novice I was paired up with a varsity Coxswain, Freckles. I've talked with Freckles a bit before and of course I see her around the boat house but she really doesn't talk much. She's very quiet until she gets out onto the boat or is shouting commands at the rowers so I haven't gotten to know her very well. Tonight though she showed me how to pack up the cox boxes and how to de-rigger boats. She even made sure that I had my own cox box box for the Regatta with my name on it and everything! I was excited about having my own cox box and cox box box! She's about my age and we talked about college and school and I would consider us pretty close now. I ticced quite a bit around her and even did some vocal tics but she didn't comment at all. I assume this means that she already knows I have TS or she knows what its like to feel different and wouldn't want to make me feel this way. I will of course mention it too her if we end up sitting on the bus together tomorrow. I think I'll either sit with Freshman Buddy or Freckles on the bus, and because I feel more conformable around Freckles now than I used to I'm actually less nervous about the bus ride. I'm feeling a bit better about the bus ride but I'm still pretty nervous about how my tics will be on the bus. I have always hated anticipation and waiting. I will be up early (at 6:00) to go down to the boat house and we'll pick up Freshman Buddy on the way. My mom is driving both my brother and I to the Regatta in the morning. My brother who I will call Debate King Bro started as a rower this year on the boys novice team (he's 15 and a freshman). Also a side note I got accepted into my first college today! It was one of my safe schools but i'm really excited to say that I have been officially admitted into college! :)

Just another day in the life of someone with Tourette's

I think I have broken a record today! Today I told 3 people who I'm not really close to about my Tourette's. I'm really getting good at this telling other people in the spur of the moment thing. This will be very good practice for college! The first time today was in physics class and we were doing a lab. I was paired with Ohio Gal, who is one of my friends who already knows I have TS, and two other kids from my class who I don't really know all too well. While we were doing the lab I did a vocal tic (the one that most people think is a high pitched sneeze of sorts) and the girl sitting next to me said "What was that? Was that a sneeze?" I quickly responded that "No it was not a sneeze" and that "It's a vocal tic. Tourettes" and they both said "okay" and went back to work! A quick encounter, but none the less a very important one because next time I tic during a lab they will know what's going on. So that's two. Then after lunch I was hanging out with Pessimistic Friend and a girl from my math class. It was unavoidable that I was going to do a vocal tic at some point because they always get bad in the afternoon. So when I did a vocal tic I was prepared for the "Bless you...Wait was that a sneeze?" and responded with my typical "Actually its a vocal tic. Tourettes". This time since the girl knows me and is in a class with me she gave a bit of an "Ohhh. I see, so that's why you keep doing it in math class and we can never figure out if you're sneezing or not!" then she said that she wouldn't say bless you next time because she knows now. When she left, Pessimistic Friend, who of course knows I have TS, tried to imitate my "eeekkk" vocal tic that people can confuse for a sneeze and said she would probably rate that one at a 4 usually but sometimes a louder 6 on a scale of 1 to 10.

After school I went to rowing and it was FREEZING COLD and RAINING! But we STILL WENT OUT! CRAZYNESS! I was freezing and as a coxswain I was sitting in about an inch of water since I was coxing a 4 person boat and sitting at the bottom of it. By the end I was completely soaked and freezing and my tics were WAY acting up. The cold always seems to make my tics so much worse. Luckily I fit right in with all the other wriggling girls who were trying to warm themselves up by jumping and shaking their arms. Once I got in the car though with Freshman Buddy my head thrashing tics really started to act up. I basically tighten my neck and throw my head forward as hard and fast as possible. It's not a whole lot of fun and my neck is now killing me. In addition the other two tics that I hate were acting up as well, my chest thumping and stomach punching tics. Those ones really hurt and its kinda hard knowing that i'm the one whose hitting myself in the chest and stomach and yet I can't stop. I was chest thumping and stomach punching and head thrashing all the way home in the car. I HATE THE COLD! Luckily Freshman Buddy was there, and noticing how badly I was ticcing, tried to distract me by talking with me about rowing and the Regatta coming up. Now that i'm home and have changed clothes into something less wet my tics have calmed down quite a bit but I'm still super nervous about the bus ride to the Regatta. Only one day left before I have to leave. I probably won't post on Friday or Saturday because I'll be at the Regatta but I will surely make a post when I get back on Sunday to tell you all how it went. Hopefully things will go alright :)

"They'll know soon"

Today is Wednesday, my first post in my hopefully long line of daily posts, and the day of my weekly appointment with Ginger Therapist. I recently switched therapists because I just couldn't stand my last one. Ginger Therapist sometimes really cracks me up with some of the things she says. It's like you just never know what's going to come out of her mouth next. Today I mentioned that I was nervous about this year's upcoming Regatta (race) which is in two weeks. I'm a coxswain for a rowing club and the Regattas are a BIG deal. There are a lot of things that make me nervous about the Regatta especially with my OCD but one of the things that's making me the most nervous is the seven hour bus ride to Ohio. As you can imagine 7 hours in a packed bus is not the ideal place for someone with Tourette's. I told Ginger Therapist that I was nervous about the bus ride  because "well you know....I make noises" and her response was "Well don't they already know about that?" and when I told her that not all of the girls on the team did know she laughed a bit and said "Well, They'll know soon". At first I thought that this might be an odd thing for a therapist to say to a patient but then I looked back at my after lunch break earlier today when I was hanging out with Pessimistic Friend and chirping, squeaking loudly, and making my forceful "heh" noise. At this point I thought to myself "Yes, this is true. They'll know soon."

One more note before I end today's post: I think I'm having more fun making up funny nick names for everyone than actually writing these, lol. I will try to avoid using lol and haha in my posts. I consider them to be rather useless and annoying so maybe this blog will help me break that habit of using them :)