Meeting my First Person At my College who also has TS!

I just met my first other person at my university who has TS. It makes me feel less alone on campus to know someone personally now who has TS on campus too. Her tics are more mild than mine, and she told me she doesn't really talk about it with other people at school really, but still it makes me feel less alone and it was definitively cool to be walking on campus with her for about 5 minutes (until we had to go separate ways) getting to talk about TS and how we have been involved in our state's TSA's. She was in the first group that ever got trained as youth ambassadors which I think is really cool, especially since when I found out about the Youth ambassador program I was too old for it. I told her how i'm a counselor at camp twitch and shout hoping she would be interested, but she said that if she ever went to camp she would come home crazy. Which is true, I did come home crazy with my tics really bad, but it only lasted a few days until they went back down to their normal level.

Anyway, I thought it was just neat to meet her and talk with her for those 5 minutes. When I think about it those 5 minutes were enough. Enough to make me feel like I am not the only person at my college who has TS and has to deal with tics, enough to let me know I am not alone even though most of the time it feels like I am the only one. It was a nice 5 minutes, a nice conversation, and a nice connection. Even though it was only a 5 minute connection, it was a connection none the less. 

I told myself I wasn't going to message her on facebook afterwards though because I didn't want to ruin things. I didn't want to ruin those 5 minutes, and I know I get upset if I message someone and they never message me back, but then I remembered that I know someone she might know from her hometown TSA and I just couldn't help myself, I had to message her and see if she knew the person I know otherwise it would have nagged at me and nagged at me until I messaged her. Thanks OCD...... anyway, I seem to have this hope that she will message me back and that we will become friends because she just seems like a really cool person regardless of the fact that we both have TS, but I think its probably more likely that those 5 minutes we talked will be the only 5 minutes we ever talk one on one even though we are both on the disability awareness committee and both have TS. I guess I feel this way because I have been feeling pretty low lately and don't want to get my hopes up. I miss my two best friends who of course go to different colleges than I do, I miss the closeness I have with them and feel like although I have a decent amount of friends, I am having trouble finding that closeness in college. I feel like a lot of my friendships here can be very surface level and like I can't talk to them about deeper things and have them understand me like my two best friends from home do. I miss closeness, and understanding, and the ease of making friends that I experienced at camp twitch and shout. It's just not that easy here at college. It's hard. 

Planning A TS awareness event on my university campus!

So excited to be planning at Tourette Syndrome awareness event on my campus for next semester with the disability awareness committee I am on at my University! We're going to be screening a brand new documentary about TS that is absolutely fantastic and we will have a speaker (who it will be is still to be determined)  and also a TS presence at the event. So excited to start preliminary planning and arranging with the committee! Maybe I will finally get to meet some other people who campus with TS through this event! This is helping calm down my nerves about my neurology appointment next Wednesday! :)

Neurology Appointment next Wednesday

I'm starting to get nervous about my neurology appointment that's next Wednesday. This will be only my second time seeing a neurologist for my Tourette's and will be my fist time pursuing tic medication. So of course my nervousness about it is making my tics worse! This is the same neurologist who diagnosed me, so I know he is very nice and is a great Neuro! But I am still nervous of course 

Camp Twitch and Shout Counselor Video

Was missing camp today, so I made this! Only 2 more months before the counselor reunion! I can't wait! I posted this on my own personal facebook page and one of my co-counselors who doesn't have Tourette's commented with "I miss my twitchy peeps!" Made me smile!!! Then I watched some of my videos I took at camp and that made me even happier! Now I'm ticcing a lot though. Oh well! The price we have to pay! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_JhXSMvKXY

Tics and Anxiety Interfering with A Participation Assignment

Today in my poetry class it was my turn to lead class discussion. Everyone in my class had to lead discussion one day and then we would receive a grade for our discussion that we lead. I was already nervous about this because I had overheard two people in the class saying that the professor had given them really bad grades on this assignment. So today I went into the discussion feeling very nervous. I was extra nervous knowing I have already had some issues with this professor and my Tourette's/accommodations.

Participation in class is definitively a weak point for me because of my anxiety and tics. I am good at everything else, just not class discussion/participation. I tried my best to hide my anxiety, but my ability to lead the discussion was highly affected by my anxiety. The first half was already shaky seeing that my anxiety was so high, but then about half way through my body reacted to the anxiety with one of my least favorite tics. I've had this tic since I was in 6th grade and it cases all the muscles in my chest and throat and around my lungs to contract so forcefully that it makes it very difficult to breathe. So in the middle of when it was supposed to be my turn to lead discussion, my chest locked up and I ended up gasping for air and having to leave the classroom. The tic calmed down once I left the classroom and started walking around and letting myself relax, but by the time I could breathe normally again and came back to the classroom, class discussions time was over and we had moved on to the writing activity part of class.

After class I sent the professor an e-mail explaining why I had to leave class (even though I already have permission to leave class at any time) so that hopefully he will understand and not take points off for my grade.

I really hope he doesn't take points off from this grade because of my anxiety and tics and the fact I had to leave the classroom during my turn in leading discussion.....but I have to say if he does take off points or give me a really bad grade, I will be taking up this issue with disability services at my school who always supports me and backs me up with anything I need really. I don't want to have to make this into an ordeal though, but because the professor is just so young and new (this is his first semester teaching), I am not too hopeful that he will know what to do with the situation/ how to grade me fairly by not taking off points for something I can't control. So we'll see about this one. All I know for now is that he has not responded to my e-mail, which is not a great sign. We'll see though. Maybe he will respond to my e-mail tomorrow.

Videos of My Childhood Tics

For those of you who haven't seen the videos I have of my tics as a child, I put them all together into one video. It helps me to see these videos. It helps me know that i'm not exaggerating, i'm not wrong, I do have Tourette's and have had it ever since I was a child, and I am not somehow making it up. I dealt with it when I was young, and have been dealing with it ever since I was about three, so I can handle it now. Growing up with Tourette's made me strong, and made me into the person I am today. That is what these videos help me to remember. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcjmoaZ1Ylg

The first clip is a a video of quick eye blinking and facial tics. The second clip shows a lip pursing tic. The third clip shows echolalia/palalalia, a vocal tic in which I repeat my own words and the words of others. The fourth clip shows a complex tic which consists of brining my arms upward, widening and un-focusing my eyes, and tilting my head. And the fifth video is the long one which shows many of my tics during a dance class, some of which include licking my hands, small facial tics, ankle movements, hitting my tongue with the palm of my hands and with closed fists, falling on the ground (not sure if this was exactly a tic or what this is really), other tongue movements, and wiping my face with my hands and arms. Also in the end of the video you can hear my mom saying in the background "I can't wait till my husband see's this. At least finally he'll get the idea about what I mean when I say there's definitely something different about her." Every time I hear her say that line it really hits me. I have always been different, even when I didn't know it.

Preparing for Rush

Today was the first recruitment workshop for my sorority where we had to practice the actual things we will be doing during rush like singing, talking to many prospective new members (fake new members this time), etc. Just from the practice I am so overstimulated sensory wise! I have a giant head ache, my face hurts, and I have that familiar "zoned out" "brain fog" feeling. I will need a lot of Advil for actual recruitment which is in January. I'm really excited to bond with everyone, but also worried about the overestimation and of course tics too. Hopefully I will be on new medication by then though, so maybe that will help.