New Years Resolution - Exercise

It's a little late, but i've finally decided on my new years resolution! Exercise! Yep, I know i've said it before but this time I mean it for real! Today was my second day following my exercise routine. First and foremost I want it to benefit my heart and give me a long life. I'm also hoping for a decrease in anxiety, OCD symptoms, and Restless leg syndrome symptoms. It's too soon to tell because its only my second day of staying on the routine, but one thing i'm noticing is its not as hard as I thought it was going to be. Its sometimes hard to get myself motivated to do it, but once i'm doing it I feel motivated to try my hardest to get my heart pumping. My goal is to exercise at least 3-4 times a week. Two down for this week, one more to go! Planning on exercising again on Saturday or Sunday. I like doing the cardio routines on youtube. Running hurts my neck and head but so far the cardio routines don't! Woo-hoo!

Excessive Guilt - OCD

Something i've been dealing with lately is excessive guilt. I've dealt with this before and I know it's another symptom of my OCD. It can be very taxing, and like all obsessions it can feel so real. Every time I do something that I, or others around me perceive to be wrong, I cannot shake the feeling of extreme guilt. In the past this has made me "walk on egg shells in the past" because i'm so afraid to do something wrong. I wrong express my true opinions or wont show my personality because i'm afraid of doing something wrong and once again feeling the extreme sense of guilt. It's certainly hard, but I just have to realize its another symptom of my OCD and that I can't let it get in my way or control me.

Also on the more positive side, my interview went so well! I got asked back for a "call back" interview with the head of the lab, so that's obviously a good sign :)

I will be so happy if I get this research position in my home town, but I also know that there are other options out of town as back up options. I just hope that whatever position I get will allow me to take time off for camp. I don't know what I would do without camp. I love being with all the kiddos there and seeing my counselor friends too. Hopefully we'll do another counselor reunion soon :)

Moving Forward

Well i've been avoiding writing this post for a while now. I haven't written in a while as I haven't really felt the need. When I started this blog it was an outlet for me to express my feeling about having Tourete's, and lately I haven't really felt like I need that outlet. For so long Tourette's was such a big part of my life. The tics or the OCD was almost always on my mind in one way or another throughout the day. For the past few months though, Tourette's has been on the back burner. I guess this is a good thing. Since I finished my CBIT treatment, my tics have improved a lot. I rarely have motor tics that are painful anymore and my vocal tics are quiet for the most part (because the one or two loud ones i'll have every now and then). I've been so busy applying for jobs and figuring out my future, and the tics that I still do have haven't been such a big deal lately.

It's nice for a change to have Tourette's on the back burner, but it is a change and it does feel different.   For so long i've been used to Tourette's running my life and now I feel like i'm finally the one in charge. I'm still working on the OCD. I've made so much progress through exposure therapy and now only have a few things left to tackle before I get my owe place. Its crazy to think i'm going to graduate from college in just a few months and that i'll have my own apartment very soon. I'm excited to have my own place, start cooking meals for myself, and have a real job. Its safe to say i'm really growing up.

I have my first real interview on Tuesday. I'm nervous but also excited. My mom's been helping me prep and i've been practicing a lot for it. I even went out shopping today to find the perfect interview outfit. All my friends have been telling me I need a blazer for an interview. No luck funding the perfect outfit today, but hopefully I'll find out tomorrow.

I hate to say it, but I'm not sure how much i'm going to blog anymore. I haven't felt very motivated to write about Tourette's or OCD because I haven't had them on my mind recently. I've been so focused on school, getting a job, friends, and other relationships. That's the way it should be though. It's been 5 years almost since i've been diagnosed with Tourette's. 5 years! It's crazy for me to think about. Tourette's is always going to be a part of me, but from now on i'm hoping it will be a smaller part of me, almost a side note. I feel like Tourette's, OCD, anxiety and everything has taken time away from me, taken experiences away from me. I didn't have anything close to a typical high school or collage experience and I know a lot of that had to do with my Tourette's and its co-occuring conditions. I feel like it robbed me in a way. It robbed me of so much. I'm ready to move forward with my life and stop looking back though. I read a quote the other day that said "Don't look back, you're not going that way" and it's really so true. Instead of being angry about what my disorders have taken from me in the past, I need to move forward without fear. I need to do what scares me and I need to take life by the horns and face it. Another quote: "You must do the thing you cannot do". Eleanor Rosavelt was pretty much a genius. It's so hard for me to do the things I am afraid of, but its important to do them or else my fears and anxiety will rob me of even more. I don't know when I will blog next, but I do know that in the mean time i'm going to do what I think I cannot do, just like Eleanor Roosevelt says.