Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Fatigue and Class Participation Problem

I saw Ginger Therapist today and told her how tired my arms and hands get sometimes and right now we're attributing it to complete muscular and physical exhaustion due to the sheer number and severity of  my arm and hand tics right now. Right now, my main arm and hand tics are jerking my arms out and away from my body, pulling my arms into my chest forcefully, tightening and tensing my muscles in my hands and arms, bending my wrists, hitting things with my hands ( my stomach, my chest, tables, other hard surfaces, and my computer), clenching my fists, bending and stretching my fingers and hands, cracking my knuckles, and pulling my fingers back with my hands. Mind you these are only the tics in my hands and arms. Ehhhh, I'm very very tired of all these arm and hand tics, but hopefully they will lighten up soon! The amount I tic during the day has also been making me severely tired at the end of the day and sometimes I'm even tired after only one period. Luckily the trimester is coming to a close! Thank goodness! And I'll have a three day weekend this weekend with little to no homework. It'll be a good time to relax and hopefully get together with Steam Punk and Tie Dye Socks.

The other thing I wanted to talk about was my class participation problem. I pretty much never raise my hand in class to offer up answers if the teacher asks a question or asks for comments on a novel or subject. I pay attention and I have things to say, but my OCD and anxiety disorder interferes. Basically here's what happens.

Mr. Texas : Can someone give me a plot summary?
Me (just thinking): I know exactly what happened in the story, but what I have to say is not perfect.Tic, Tic, Tic. There is something wrong about it. I need more time to think. Tic, Tic, Tic.  I need to go over the plot summery in my head first before I raise my hand. I need to know EXACTLY what I'm going to say before I say it to the teacher and everyone else in the class. Tic, Tic, Tic.
Mr. Texas: Yes, Kelly, go ahead.
Me (just thinking): Okay. It's okay.  I'll just get the next question. Wait, no. The exact same thing will happen. It always happens. I can't raise my hand until I know the answer is perfect, and as someone with OCD, the answer is never perfect enough.

Anyway with this mental war going on in my head each time a teacher wants a response, I almost never end up actually raising my hand. It's never really been a problem though. I have an action plan that all my teachers see at the beginning of the year before they even meet me. It basically says  " I have  Tourette Syndrome, OCD, a panic attack disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and a math calculation disability *aka, dont freak if I start making noises or twitching, give me extra time on tests and in class essays, let me leave the room if I get nervous or ticcy, don't mark me off if I don't talk in class, always let me use a calculator!". Anyway, when teachers see this they don't mark me off for class participation! Like Ever! Except for this year. My Creative Writing teacher, Mr. Texas, is giving me a C+ in class participation. So it was time to get my parents, and the learning specialist involved because my teachers just usually get it. As my mom puts it "you can't give a student an F in gym if they're in a wheel chair! And you cant give a student a C+ in class participation if they have a severe anxiety disorder". So the learning specialist is going to meet with Mr. Texas and my dean tomorrow morning. I really hope the learning specialist is able to advocate for me and help Mr. Texas to stop marking me off for class participation. I hate being marked off because of my OCD and anxiety. They already win most of the time. I'm just so tired of it.

At lunch I told Steam Punk and Tie Dye Socks about my problem with Mr. Texas. Steam Punk is in the class with me and after I told her the issue I was having she told me that she really wasn't judging at all but she really just thought I didn't listen in class. I reassured her that I do listen in class! Knowing Steam Punk she really didn't mean anything by it really, she was just telling me what was on her mind. That's the really good thing about Steam Punk. She says what's on her mind most of the time so you're never really left wondering. Later in the conversation Tie Dye socks brought up how shes an annoying person to sit next to while taking tests. She gets extra time, doesn't use a scan tron, and sharpens her pencil a bunch. After this comment though, we all agreed that I beat her on this one. She doesn't make noises :P

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