Believe it or not though, I've been doing countless exposures a day, overcoming my fears, and proving to myself that OCD really does lie. I've done so many exposures now that I really am beginning to feel like I can do this and I can get out of OCD's grip. I feel like even though the OCD tells me that something is dangerous or not safe, I can confront the fear and deal with the OCD feelings and thoughts that come along with it. I was never able to deal with this before. Before the OCD feelings and thoughts were just too much for me to tolerate or even think about tolerating. Now, I face these feelings and thoughts straight on for hours each day, and slowly but surely I am proving to myself that OCD feelings and thoughts are not facts, they are just my OCD and I can tolerate them.
This is huge for me. My OCD has been controlling my life in a very severe way for three years now. I have had OCD all my life, but the intense rituals and compulsions that have been controlling me and impacting my life got started to become severe three years ago.
I have made so many accomplishments and have done so many things that I wouldn't be able to do a month ago. Before are some of these accomplishments that I am proud of. Keep in mind that while doing these things might not be a big deal for most people, they are a huge deal for me because I have been avoiding these things for three whole years.
1. Eating food with my hands after washing my hands
2. Touching the inside of my shirt
3. Touching my stomach and area above my pants line
4. Touching washing machines and dryers
5. Touching folding tables at laundromats
6. Toughing the door handle in and out of laundromats
7. Eating Carpaccio (a form of raw meat)
8. Driving my grandma's car
9. Touching the door area above the laundry room door handle in my house
This is all really to get me prepared for college so that in college OCD doesn't have a large impact on my life there. I don't want it to be a challenge for me in college or to impact my life there negatively. I probably won't be 100% OCD free when I go off to college, but the work I'm doing now is important and will help me to have an easier time with my OCD in college. Hopefully my OCD will be even better than it is now when I go off to college!