Sunday, July 22, 2012

My Three Most Painful Tics

A friend on youtube made a video about her three most painful tics and asked others to comment on the video with their three most painful tics. I commented on the video and thought I would blog about it as well! You can see Emma's video about her three most painful tics here:

Also check out her other awesome videos about Tourette's Syndrome on her channel by following this link:

So anyway here are my three most painful tics (3 being least painful and 1 being most painful): 

3. Picking/biting/licking my lips. My lips are usually red, swollen, and sore from all the picking, biting, and licking. This combination of  tics was the very first sign of Tourette's and started when I was just three years old. I have plenty of pictures where you can see my lips are red and raw from the tics. I used to do this tic so much that my lips would bleed. There have been three times where this tic has been absolutely severe and out of control, although this tic is present year round for the most part, just not present to the extreme. The first time it was severe was when it first started when I was 3 years old. I guess it was the most painful at this time because my lips were not used to taking this kind of abuse. Then in 5th grade and 6th grade it got so bad that I would continually make my lips bleed really badly. I would have to leave class on a regular basis because my lips would start bleeding so badly and it would take at least 15 to 20 minutes to stop the bleeding in the bathroom with a paper towel held to my lips. The last time it got really bad was when the lip licking got particularly bad and it was in 11th grade. My lips and the skin around my lips were bright red and it looked like someone had maybe punched me in the face or someone had painted a red ring around my lips. It got to be really painful after about a week of continual licking, but luckily it only lasted a week or so. 
Here are three pictures where you can see the effects of my lip picking/biting/licking tic: 

This one was from when I was 3 or 4 when I first started doing this tic. You can see that my lips have been picked, bitten, and licked  raw. It was painful because my lips were not used to being torn up: 

This was my 5th grade school picture and you can see the cuts and scars on my lips from continually picking, biting and licking my lips until they bled:

And this one is a picture of me with my teacher on Halloween last year where you can still see red and raw sports on my lips: 
2. Swallowing air repetitively. When this one gets bad I have to swallow every 20 seconds or so and it makes my throat really sore and gives me bad stomach aches because of all the air that ends up in my stomach. This is probably the tic I hate the most because I have so little control over it that I can't even hold it back for more than a few seconds. I just feel like i'm going to die if I don't swallow. Die or throw up or pass out. It's really an awful feeling. The only reason this is not #1 is because I only have this tic every few months. Thank goodness I don't have this tic more often. If I had this tic on a continual basis, I really don't know what I would do. Whenever I get this tic, I just want to go curl up in a ball and feel sorry for myself. Even though other people can't see this tic from the outside, it doesn't matter to me. I would rather have many more obvious or embarrassing tics than have this one on a regular basis because its just so awful.  

1. A complex combination tic of falling to the ground on my knees, then hitting myself in the side or stomach with my arm and hand. Sometimes I make a grunting sound as well when I do this tic. As you can tell, this one just sounds painful! Obviously it hurts my knees to fall on them repetitively and then as if that just wasn't enough pain, I usually end up staying on the floor for a minute or two punching myself in the stomach and my side with my arm and hand. Yep, that part sounds painful as well. Trust me, it is. It hurts to get hit in the stomach! I feel like I'm a kid again when my babysitter would play that game with me when she would grab my arm and hit me with my own arm and say "stop hitting yourself! Why are you hitting yourself?" I just thought it was so funny! Except now, its not funny in the slightest. It's painful and annoying and obviously embarrassing! Luckily, I usually don't do this one out in public. I usually only have this tic when my tics get really really bad or when i've been holding back my tics for a while and have to "let it out" when I come home. This is the one I am most worried about with my roommate. If I hold back my tics in class to any extent or get really nervous or stressed out about finals or anything else that might cause stress then I might end up doing this tic in my room and if my roommate is in the room she will obviously see it. This one isn't really a tic you can hide, lol. This is the kind of tic that just freaks other people out, especially if they're not used to it. Maybe i'll get lucky and it will take a break for college. A person can hope, right? 

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