Saturday, January 9, 2016

Moving Forward

Well i've been avoiding writing this post for a while now. I haven't written in a while as I haven't really felt the need. When I started this blog it was an outlet for me to express my feeling about having Tourete's, and lately I haven't really felt like I need that outlet. For so long Tourette's was such a big part of my life. The tics or the OCD was almost always on my mind in one way or another throughout the day. For the past few months though, Tourette's has been on the back burner. I guess this is a good thing. Since I finished my CBIT treatment, my tics have improved a lot. I rarely have motor tics that are painful anymore and my vocal tics are quiet for the most part (because the one or two loud ones i'll have every now and then). I've been so busy applying for jobs and figuring out my future, and the tics that I still do have haven't been such a big deal lately.

It's nice for a change to have Tourette's on the back burner, but it is a change and it does feel different.   For so long i've been used to Tourette's running my life and now I feel like i'm finally the one in charge. I'm still working on the OCD. I've made so much progress through exposure therapy and now only have a few things left to tackle before I get my owe place. Its crazy to think i'm going to graduate from college in just a few months and that i'll have my own apartment very soon. I'm excited to have my own place, start cooking meals for myself, and have a real job. Its safe to say i'm really growing up.

I have my first real interview on Tuesday. I'm nervous but also excited. My mom's been helping me prep and i've been practicing a lot for it. I even went out shopping today to find the perfect interview outfit. All my friends have been telling me I need a blazer for an interview. No luck funding the perfect outfit today, but hopefully I'll find out tomorrow.

I hate to say it, but I'm not sure how much i'm going to blog anymore. I haven't felt very motivated to write about Tourette's or OCD because I haven't had them on my mind recently. I've been so focused on school, getting a job, friends, and other relationships. That's the way it should be though. It's been 5 years almost since i've been diagnosed with Tourette's. 5 years! It's crazy for me to think about. Tourette's is always going to be a part of me, but from now on i'm hoping it will be a smaller part of me, almost a side note. I feel like Tourette's, OCD, anxiety and everything has taken time away from me, taken experiences away from me. I didn't have anything close to a typical high school or collage experience and I know a lot of that had to do with my Tourette's and its co-occuring conditions. I feel like it robbed me in a way. It robbed me of so much. I'm ready to move forward with my life and stop looking back though. I read a quote the other day that said "Don't look back, you're not going that way" and it's really so true. Instead of being angry about what my disorders have taken from me in the past, I need to move forward without fear. I need to do what scares me and I need to take life by the horns and face it. Another quote: "You must do the thing you cannot do". Eleanor Rosavelt was pretty much a genius. It's so hard for me to do the things I am afraid of, but its important to do them or else my fears and anxiety will rob me of even more. I don't know when I will blog next, but I do know that in the mean time i'm going to do what I think I cannot do, just like Eleanor Roosevelt says.


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