Thursday, March 1, 2012

Just So Frustrated with Tics!

First day of March! My mom's birthday is tomorrow too! It's going to be a busy birthday for her though because my Aunt is coming to town tonight. We're all going out to eat tonight so that will be fun!

Yesterday I got very frustrated with my tics. I had been ticcing like I usually do throughout the day but at the end of the day they spiked after writing club. My mom was supposed to pick me up at 4:00, but she had to deal with my grandma so she told me she would be late. Changes in my schedule, especially unexpected changes really erk me and always have in the past as well. I didn't know how late she was going to be so I decided to stay put where I was. I usually get picked up at a different part of the school when I don't drive myself to school, but since I had just had writing club my mom was going to pick me up at a different spot. I had to stay inside because it was crazzyy windy and stormy outside, but I soon realized that the room echoed.....great.

 The fact that I had to wait for my mom when I can drive perfectly well combined with the fact that I couldn't wait outside and had to wait in an echoing room made me incredibly frustrated. My tics were bad in the first place, and as the frustration just came back to bite me. I was making a pretty decently loud "reh" "reh" noise and a "wu" "wa" noise and the room was echoing and I was just so darn frustrated! I felt so stuck and dependent in the moment. I was hoping sooo much that someone who I didn't know wouldn't come out of their office and yell at me for making such a racket with my noises.

I kept calling my mom on the phone and asking her when she would be coming, but all she kept saying was soon. I ended up deciding that I didn't care if my mom had to come find me in the school when she got here, and that I was just going to get out of the echoing room next to all the offices. My tics were way to loud too sit inside because anywhere in the school was fairly quiet since only a few people were left over studying at this time of day. So I just sat outside at a picnic table making my noises even though it was so windy and storming that I felt like any second a tree branch or a telephone wire would come flying at me.

It took my mom an hour to come pick me up and even though I had tired myself out by ticcing so loudly for so long I was still just so incredibly frustrated. Thank god that nothing hit me or a tornado didn't come sweep me up, lol. I wanted to sit inside, and I wanted to be able to chat with some people, and I wanted to be able to get some work done but none of that was possible at the time thanks to Tourette's.

When I have times like these that really get me down, a part of me just wants to cry or sit and not do anything and not think about anything, but I know better than to give in to this part of me. I try to think, tomorrow will be a better day and try to think about how many people love and support me through this.

Something else that helps me is to just go through and read quotes that inspire me and help to make me feel better. Here are some of the quotes that I have been reading today to help me not feel so hopeless.

"In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different" -Coco Channel 

"Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, "So what." That's one of my favorite things to say. "So what." - Andy Warhol

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson 

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

"If I respect myself and believe in what I'm doing, no one can touch me."
~ Fiona Apple

"Intelligence can disguise disabilities and disabilities can disguise intelligence" - Kathy Giordano.

"Imagine getting bitten by hundreds of fire ant
s all at once then trying not to scratch the bites. That is what fighting a tic is like. Imagine trying to hold in a sneeze or a yawn all day. You just can’t do it. It’s the worst feeling in the world – having your brain tell you to do something you do not want to do but being unable to not do it." -Anonymous 

"Life has meaning only in the struggle. Triumph or Defeat is in the hands of the gods….So let us celebrate the struggle!" -Swahili Warrior Song

"Be kinder than necessarily, for everyone is fighting a great battle" -Plato 

"The only disability in life is a bad attitude" -Scott Hamilton 

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” ~ Henry Ford

“Nothing is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings.” ~Ralph Blum

“Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.” ~ Victoria Holt 

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!! 

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