Wednesday, August 5, 2015

A post for myself (positive note of the day and notes to my future self)

Positive note of the day:

Woke up late and walked to starbucks with my dog. It was a pretty hot day, like it is most of the summer days where I live. I got my usual, grande iced mocha (1 shot, 2 pumps) and as usual the barista's know my order so when I walk in they say "your usual?". Gotta love that they also sometimes have my drink ready for me before i've finished paying. I got my dog some water for the dog bowel and sat down to drink and eat my sandwich. I then contacted some of my camp family because I really want to stay in contact with them throughout the year. So far, we're all staying in contact much more than in the past which I'm loving. It makes me feel more connected to them even though they are all in different states. One of the people from camp I have gotten closer with is in my city though, which is so great. I even met up for coffee with her after camp when I was having some trouble with my mom understanding TS. Having her close makes me feel like i'm not so alone.

I got back and did GRE work and got almost all the questions right. I actually like some of the geometry because its kind of like solving a puzzle. I was exhausted though at my GRE tutoring session!

Also today I got a very special email which makes me feel like i'm making a difference :)

Not much happened today, but I thought I would keep up my positivity challenge. My OCD thoughts were starting to come back a little more today, so i'm trying to keep positive. Also, since it's my last year of college, I've starting thinking about how much my life is about to change after this year. With these positivity notes i've been writing, I realize I will look back on them 20 years from now and think how different my life was back then. Walking up to Starbucks from my house with my dog, getting special emails from people whose lives i've touched, connecting with my camp family: these may all seem like mundane events now, but in reality they are very special and I know I will look back at my 20's and realize even more how special these little things were. It is very strange to think I am directly communicating with my future self. That my future self will read these words (at least I hope so) and that while reading this I will know how events unfolded and how things turned out. I'll know if I got into a Ph.D program, if I took time off to work in a lab, which friends i've stayed in contact with, and even further down the line if i've been married or have had kids. It is such a strange thought when you really think about it, and especially when you're thinking about it at 2am.

Anyway, enough of my ramblings. Future self, however things turned out I'm sure they turned out that way because that's the way they were meant to be. Don't be disappointed with the things that didn't happen, because i'm sure there will be some of those things. Be happy with the things that did happen and know how ever things turn out, I am accepting of it. The one thing I don't want is too many regrets. I know i will hold back from doing certain things, and I know I will have some regrets, doesn't everyone? But I want to do the things that I truly desire to do, and I don't want society or expectations of others around me to influnce me too much or prevent me from doing what I truly want to do at that time. If I look back and say, "I regret not doing this or not doing that", just remember that I did what made me happy at that time and that's all that really matters. There is no need to regret not doing things that I wouldn't have wanted to do or that wouldn't have made me happy at that time. I was happy with the things I did, and that's all that truly matters.

Yes, of course it's great to step outside of your comfort zone, and I want to try to do that even more my last year of college. Rock climbing, going to the pool party, driving on the highway, even going to camp for the first time and going to the camp reunions for the first time,  these are are things I have done that are out of my comfort zone and every time I was nervous but was so glad in the end that I did it.  Each time I do something that makes me step out of my comfort zone, I learn that I can do it and can succeed in whatever i'm doing. That makes the next time even easier. Exposure and taking risks (well risks for me!) is a good thing.

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