Aw I love this! This is so cute! I recently started going on dates with a guy that I really like. We have known eachother for about a little more than a week and have been on quite a few dates. He really seems to like me and I really like him as well. I haven't told him about my TS/ tics, but I have done some very mild tics around him that I haven't been able to hold back. I don't think he's noticed, but I can't really tell.
This video helps me feel more hopeful about telling him. I have never in my life had anyone to comfort me when I was having tics. My parents always asked me to stop, my friends understand my tics and what they are but don't quite know what to say when i'm having a lot of tics besides asking "are you okay?" or ignoring it, and so i've always relied on self comfort or just "getting though it". If some day I could get to the point with him (or with someone else, if our relationship doesn't continue) where he could comfort me or hold me while i'm having a lot of tics, It would be so nice and so comforting. I have never relied on anyone else in my entire life as far as my tics go. So I do think letting someone else help me or comfort me would take some getting used to, but once I got used to it, I think it would be so nice.
For now, i'm no where close to that though. For now, he doesn't even know I have tics. I suppress around him because I am afraid of how he would react if he found out. I'm afraid he would reject me because of my tics. I know it's almost unfair for me to judge him like this. For me to assume that he would be the kind of person that would reject someone based on a medical condition is almost the same kind of judgment that I am afraid of. I don't make this assumption based on the kind of person he is. Actually, I feel like based on what I know about him, he would be accepting. Right now, the reason I am not telling him and have no idea at what point I will tell him is because of what I have been told ever since my diagnosis in high school. It's so hard for me to get past the possibility that he will reject me. As soon as I was diagnosed (actually legitimately at the appointment when I was diagnosed) they told me not to tell anyone. They told me if my friends found out, they would no longer be my friends. They told me if an employer found out, they would fire me and/or I would never get the job in the first place. They told me doors would close for me. And most of all they told me no one would ever date me or be interested in me romantically if they knew about my TS. This crushed me, and it has been so hard for me to get past.
Even with all of my amazing friends who I have told about my TS and who have always accepted me, even with the evidence that not once has anyone ever rejected when I told them about my TS, even though everyone has been nothing but kind and incredibly accepting, it is still so hard for me to emotionally get past the fear of what my parents told me would happen.
Right now I don't know when or if i'm going to tell him about my tics. I know it's not practical or possible for me to hide my tics from him forever, especially if we start a real relationship (and so far, it looks like that's the direction in which its moving). Right now all I know is that i'm taking it one day at a time.
Tonight we're going to a party together and then we're going to hang at his apartment and watch Sherlock! I'm looking forward to spending more time with him. I think tonight we'll have a good time. Suppressing my tics around him can be difficult, but so far it hasn't been spoiling anything or affect my ability to have fun/ be myself around him. The more time I spend with him, the more difficult it is becoming. I just try to relax and forget about my tics though. It can be hard, but the more comfortable I become around him, the more I will be able to relax and let some tics out. I'll keep you guys updated.