Friday, January 30, 2015

Dating with Tourette Syndrome


Aw I love this! This is so cute! I recently started going on dates with a guy that I really like. We have known eachother for about a little more than a week and have been on quite a few dates. He really seems to like me and I really like him as well. I haven't told him about my TS/ tics, but I have done some very mild tics around him that I haven't been able to hold back. I don't think he's noticed, but I can't really tell. 

This video helps me feel more hopeful about telling him. I have never in my life had anyone to comfort me when I was having tics. My parents always asked me to stop, my friends understand my tics and what they are but don't quite know what to say when i'm having a lot of tics besides asking "are you okay?" or ignoring it, and so i've always relied on self comfort or just "getting though it". If some day I could get to the point with him (or with someone else, if our relationship doesn't continue) where he could comfort me or hold me while i'm having a lot of tics, It would be so nice and so comforting. I have never relied on anyone else in my entire life as far as my tics go. So I do think letting someone else help me or comfort me would take some getting used to, but once I got used to it, I think it would be so nice.

For now, i'm no where close to that though. For now, he doesn't even know I have tics. I suppress around him because I am afraid of how he would react if he found out. I'm afraid he would reject me because of my tics. I know it's almost unfair for me to judge him like this. For me to assume that he would be the kind of person that would reject someone based on a medical condition is almost the same kind of judgment that I am afraid of. I don't make this assumption based on the kind of person he is. Actually, I feel like based on what I know about him, he would be accepting. Right now, the reason I am not telling him and have no idea at what point I will tell him is because of what I have been told ever since my diagnosis in high school. It's so hard for me to get past the possibility that he will reject me. As soon as I was diagnosed (actually legitimately at the appointment when I was diagnosed) they told me not to tell anyone. They told me if my friends found out, they would no longer be my friends. They told me if an employer found out, they would fire me and/or I would never get the job in the first place. They told me doors would close for me. And most of all they told me no one would ever date me or be interested in me romantically if they knew about my TS. This crushed me, and it has been so hard for me to get past.

Even with all of my amazing friends who I have told about my TS and who have always accepted me, even with the evidence that not once has anyone ever rejected when I told them about my TS, even though everyone has been nothing but kind and incredibly accepting, it is still so hard for me to emotionally get past the fear of what my parents told me would happen.

Right now I don't know when or if i'm going to tell him about my tics. I know it's not practical or possible for me to hide my tics from him forever, especially if we start a real relationship (and so far, it looks like that's the direction in which its moving). Right now all I know is that i'm taking it one day at a time.


Tonight we're going to a party together and then we're going to hang at his apartment and watch Sherlock! I'm looking forward to spending more time with him. I think tonight we'll have a good time. Suppressing my tics around him can be difficult, but so far it hasn't been spoiling anything or affect my ability to have fun/ be myself around him. The more time I spend with him, the more difficult it is becoming. I just try to relax and forget about my tics though. It can be hard, but the more comfortable I become around him, the more I will be able to relax and let some tics out. I'll keep you guys updated.

3 comments:

  1. This is such a hard thing to face! You're spot on when you talk about how difficult it can be to tell someone you want to be close to. I'm so sorry to hear that others told you to try and hold it in. While my Tourettes is rather mild compared to many cases, it's noticeable enough that people started to notice when I was in college, particularly because of my most common tic, a complex tic where I rub my thumb against my lips. I thought for years that no man would ever accept this part of me. The best I hoped for was a man who could simply put up with it.

    God has a funny way of working things out, however. When I was almost twenty, I began to talk more with a young man from church. He'd been a friend for five years by the time we began to notice one another. Still, despite our friendship, I was terrified of telling him. I was convinced he would think I was trying to get attention. And yet, it was a part of me that he would have to find out about eventually.

    One night, we were IMing on Facebook, and he told me, "Tell me something. Anything." I began to cry as I sat at my computer, and I prayed hard for the courage to tell him. I'd been getting more funny looks at work and school for my hand tic, and my blinking and muscle tightening tics were revving up again, too. In tears, I took his offer as a blank check, and asked him if he'd ever heard of Tourette Syndrome. He had, so I told him that I had it. It felt forever that the little ellipses was on the screen as he typed, and I started to cry harder.

    If I hadn't been in love with him already, his answer stole my heart. He said, "I'm glad you could trust me enough to tell me that. It means a lot for you to trust me." Girl, I married him! My point is that a man who doesn't love you completely isn't worth your time. My husband doesn't love me in spite of my tics. He loves me as a complete package. You're worth every bit of that kind of love, so don't sell yourself short! Please keep us updated as you go on! I'm really interested to hear how things work out.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It gives me so much hope that I will be able to find someone who loves me, tics and all! Right now it's way to soon to talk about love with the person i've been dating (as we've only been dating for a week), but it goes give me hope that when the time is right and I choose to tell him, be will have a similar reaction to the reaction your husband had. Thank you thank you thank you so much for sharing !! I love it and it hits so close to home for me. I will keep you updated! Just got a text from him asking me how my day was. I really like it that he cares :)

    ReplyDelete